40 Something and Fabulously Flawed

My Already Brilliantly Lighted Life

2011-06-16T20:48:00.000-07:00

Currently I'm: Listening to Falling Slowly by Glen Hansard, sipping white wine.
Wearing: White and green sundress, barefoot
Location: Curled up on the couch, laptop on my knees, home alone since hubby's traveling for work
Last Thing I Ate: Spinach and Sundried Tomato Pizza dipped in hubby's homemade marinara
Days Till Birthday: 156

I have been experimenting with titles besides "grandma." For cripes sakes, people, I'm all of 40 years old and keep myself up, ya know? It's just too weird, "grandma." Grammy doesn't fly either. Perhaps "Mimi?" It's kind of like nicknaming "Grammy" down to "Mimi." I can swallow Mimi, since it's an actual name. Otherwise, what about "Mia"? It means "mine" in Spanish. I could be okay with that as well. I'll keep chewing on it. Perhaps it will be whatever Amelia decides.

Huge news. I got Anna a teaching job at my school here in Salt Lake City!!! It looks like James has scored Tyler a job at eBay here in town as well. Just a week ago, Tyler and Anna moved in a mere 2 blocks from my home! Yes, people, you read correctly. Little Amelia, the light of my already brilliantly lighted life will grow up right here with me at her side. Happiness!

Amelia is amazing, and not just because she's a little piece of me. She's so good natured. And expressive! I could stare at her all day. She helped me in the garden yesterday. Sitting in her little chair, wearing her flowered bonnet. She sat in the shade of the cherry tree and watched me work the vegetables, listening to me as I pointed out all the gifts of nature growing around us.

Sunday I roadtrip with Tyler and Anna back to Albuquerque. They have some loose ends to wrap up to make their move complete, and I just sold my Albuquerque house so I need to empty it. I am sad about selling that house. I have always loved that house. To be honest, if the deal were to fall through before closing, I think a part of me would be relieved. Hubby is happy to wipe his hands of it. He hates everything Albuquerque. I get it. It is true, I do tend to live with a part of me still belonging there. Roots still embedded in the harsh clay desert soil.

Salt Lake City has been an adjustment. A year later, I still have to force myself to call this house my home. Don't get me wrong, I would do it all over again. There is no man in the world like James and for some reason he loves me more than oxygen. Perhaps it is because James already had a world established here. I had to find a way to fit into Planet James. We did not get to create a world together. Between you and me, during weak moments, I get bitter about that.

Grandma's Brag Book

2011-04-30T21:09:00.000-07:00

I mean, come on. Can she be any cuter? My grandbaby, Amelia, is already 5 months old. That's her mama, Anna, with her. Anna's such a great mom, I couldn't ask for a better mama for my grandbaby.

Spring Break Countdown

2011-04-09T18:03:00.000-07:00

5 days till I'm on it.

I don't work on Fridays, so my spring break starts a day before the rest of the school. Utard spring breaks are SOOO late! Albuquerque had theirs a month ago. Yes, people, I am still adjusting to this new planet.

There are windows on each side of the computer. Normally, that's a good thing. The view of the mountains from the window to the right is stunning. Salt Lake City definitely beats Albuquerque in the mountains department. However, this past week as I have looked out, all there is to see is gray skies and spitting snow. Spring fever burns fiercely....get lost, winter.

For spring break the hubby and I will be driving the RV to a biking sprint camp in LA. We have a gorgeous campground reserved right on the ocean. SWEET! From there, we will head to Napa Valley for some true R and R. We have a car reserved and the driver prepared to tote us around to the best wineries for the day. Ahhh the luxury of it all. No, I will not be spitting out the wine. James will, though, the snob.

James had a bike race this AM in Tooele. The weather was miserable and he came back devastated with his performance. I've been babying him all day. Tomorrow, he will endure the second stage of the race. I guess I better not make any plans for the day.

2011-02-28T19:19:00.002-07:00

Here I am on mere Day 3 of bike training program, and my butt really hurts. Not from riding, from lifting. Hubby is my personal coach and says my wussy legs need strength. He put together an entire workout plan for me after we did my baseline tests...lots of spinning, lots of weightlifting.

I think I got my bike fixed! I took it to a different bike shop. The mechanic ended up switching the front derailleur to a Dura Ace which is MUCH stiffer than the SRAM's I was riding. It has been too cold to take it for a spin to know for sure, but we will be in Albuquerque with the bikes over the weekend to see Amelia and I can test it out then.

Kid update:

Tyler: 23 years old and FINALLY graduates from college in May. Married to Anna, his HS sweetheart and dad to Amelia, my beautiful little 3 month old grandbaby. Tyler started working for Target's security department recently. So. He works fulltime, attends college fulltime, and dad's fulltime. He sent me a text I wish I would have saved. It said something like, "I am watching Anna and Amelia sleep. OMG mom I am so lucky." All is well.

Mackenzie: 18 years old and a couple weeks off from graduating from the Aveda Institute. She loves doing hair and has thrived in her cosmetology program. She just started "externing" at a salon called Renaissance. Keep your fingers crossed it leads to a permanent job. She is recycling right now. Yes, that lovely technique for the lonely hearts. Get back with an ex, for it is better than being alone (eyeroll). Joe's back in the picture and she is living with him. Enough said. I pick my battles. Mackenzie is the proud owner of two bank loans: car and student loan. Guess who had to cosign.

Anna: 23 years old and student teaching at McKinley Middle School. Anna was born to teach and is loving every day at the school. She has her eye on a permanent teaching gig there next year and I really hope it comes through. I cannot imagine a better mommy for my grandbaby. Anna is in awe of Amelia and adores her. Like Tyler, she graduates in May.

And there you have it. You are all caught up. I am throwing a graduation bash for all 3 of them in May. Relatives are coming by train, plane, and car. Oh the emotions it all stirs! Fellow parents, you know what I'm talking about. We always dream and hope of this day even before they are born! All 3 of my kids graduating.

PROUD!!!

2011-01-23T17:44:00.000-07:00

I DEFINITELY favor my left hand.

My nailpolish proves it.

I have always been one of those lefties who either learned to adapt to a right-handed world or perhaps truly has a bit of ambidexterity. What am I, right handed or left? I cut with right, write with left. I throw with right, brush teeth with left. I put my make-up on with both, use a racquet in both. But now that I stare at the 3rd manicure in a row all of which resulted in major chips on my left hand and none on my right, I realize that yeah. I'm a leftie.

I typically hate nailpolish on my fingers. I have only been wearing it these past few weeks to cover the black fingernail bed on my right middle finger thanks to a moment of pre-senility. The grand finale of Christmas Day was a trip to the emergency room where my finger was pronounced "BROKEN." Such a pleasant surprise though....it appears the nail is staying intact! I was dreading losing it. Perhaps that was my Christmas present! Keeping my nail!

James is out on a 3 hour bike ride as I type. Man, that hubbie of mine is obsessed. I have never met a more motivated human being. I love being around his tireless energy and his perpetual one-act show. It keeps me motivated and alive and cracking up. UNDERWEAR GNOMES!

He finished a gorgeous end table today for the living room. It is triangular and so beautiful. It has an aged nickel top. He is one gifted human.

Our one year anniversary is already approaching! Yes people, the big V day. We decided to take a cheesy commercialized holiday and give it some meaning. Valentine's Day--ugh. Shouldn't we be proving our love to our partners every day of the year? V Day is such an annoying obligation. Not for us, now. We made it a legitimate holiday! Our anniversary. Take that, society!

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Life on Planet James

2010-12-15T20:47:00.000-07:00

Following up from 2 posts ago.... James got over his poutfest as expected just shortly after I wrote that last entry. The silent treatment ended with a mere, "Stefany, could you come taste my spaghetti sauce?" And with those few words, our little world righted itself.

I am thinking about starting a new blog and calling it "Life on Planet James." Hmmm.

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Amelia

2010-12-15T20:43:00.001-07:00

Amelia Jane entered the world on November 29th. Of course it was so, because I had been in Albuquerque to roll out the welcome playmat just two days prior. Amelia had other plans, and decided she was going to be born a week late. I booked a last minute flight after her arrival and saw her at 5 days old. Amelia Jane, my first granddaughter. I am in awe of her.
Amelia is Tyler and Anna's little girl. Crazy they are married with a baby, isn't it? Remember me just yesterday blogging about his crazy 18th surprise birthday party? About his high school graduation? And little Anna, she's been along for the journey since 9th grade. Nine years ago, now his wife. Time, man. It freaks me out.

Welcome to the world, little piece of me! May your life journey be packed with adventures and laughter and health!

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Back in the Saddle

2010-12-12T16:42:00.000-07:00

I got on the bike for the first time since August. This is a big deal considering the whole being "bucked off the horse" sort of thing that transpired this summer.

I spent my summer training for the big New Mexico Bicycling Championships road race. I even took off work so we could drive the 11 hour journey down to Albuquerque for the big race. Race morning, my bike didn't work. The cranks were all jacked. I was devastated. The next few months were spent in and out of the bike shop as the gang tried to figure out the problem. As I type, the bike sits in the garage, still not working properly. I have given up. At this point, they all think it is me, since I am the only one who seems to have problems with the gears freezing up and/or refusing to shift. I don't want to ride it anymore. Apparently, I do not know how to shift.

So today, I rode the bike in the basement. I had just gotten done running a 5k on the treadmill and didn't feel done. I may not be back on the real horse yet, but at least I am on the merry-go-round horse once again. Baby steps.

James went skiing today. He was upset that I did not want to go. When things do not go according to Plan James, the world turns upside down. He is back from skiing and is making his homemade spaghetti sauce in complete silence. Silence that screams his point loudly. James' world has always been so self-focused. It is the hardest thing about being in a relationship with him. He has had very little experience with compromise, empathy, sacrifice. He wants me in the car with him as he runs errands, not considering I may have other things to do. He wants me to stay up late, not considering my body might be so wiped that all I really want is sleep. He wants, he wants, he wants, I have a million examples. Whatever, he will eventually break his vigil to silence and life will be normal again.

In the meantime, I will savor the silence.

Motherhood and Its Chronic Weight

2010-10-25T20:52:00.000-07:00

I got a call a few nights ago. It was late and we were just getting toasty in bed. Ring ring! It was Mackenzie, my 18 year old baby girl. A call this late would only mean drama. Here we go.

Me: What's wrong?
Her: (sobbing, hard to make out words...) I was at Jordan's (sob), and I JUST GOT THERE (yell, sob)! I just sat down on the couch and picked up his phone and started checking his texts (SOB SOB). He and Brian were texting about Cassie and that Jordan was gonna try to hook up WITH HER!!! How could he do that, he's my effing boyfriend?!?!?
Her: So I just left. I'm in my car driving home. But fuck it, I'm gonna turn around and GO BEAT HIM UP!
Me: Mackenzie. How classy is that?
Her: I DONT CARE! I'M SO FUCKING PISSED! I WANT TO HURT HIM! Oh wait he's calling me...
CLICK.

She did call me back after a quick screamfest on the phone with Jordan. The great news is that I was able to convince her that going back to Jordan's house to "beat him up" would give him all the power and make her look pathetic. I got her to see that the best plan of action would be to go home to her dad's and let Jordan know he wasn't worth her time.

I talk to Mackenzie all the time about keeping her "power." When she turns weak-female, as we all tend to do, we give our power to the other person. This was a classic situation where if she would have gone back there and created a scene, Jordan would hold all the power. But! She left him hanging and kept her power, good girl. It took me 40 years to figure that out. She already gets it.

I worry about this little beauty of mine. Mackenzie is so vulnerable. It feels like she's on a precipice. Balancing on the head of a pin. Standing on the road between right-doing and wrong-doing. Pick your analogy, you get it.

Mackenzie works her butt off at the Aveda Institute. 12 hour days, all towards her ultimate goal of 1600 hours. She should graduate in February 2011. She also works in a shoe store at the mall. Much better than her last stint at Hooter's. Cringe.

I have to give her credit for working so hard to reach her goal. She likes cosmetology and is a fashion/makeup diva herself, so it seems to fit her well. But she seems to be a bad boy magnet. She seems to pull her self-worth from the current flavor of the month. It concerns me. It makes me feel guilty. I think she gets this from me.

I just want her to make it to graduation, more than anything else in the world right now.

Oish, Mackenzie. Keep your power, girl.

New job, new husband, new RV...but not in that order.

2010-09-15T16:29:00.000-07:00

Currently I'm: Sitting on a ball typing, as I wait for hubby to get home from work.

Wearing: green polo shirt and white longer shorts

Days till 40th birthday: 76. Gulp.

Last thing I ate: Chocolate covered raisins and taco dip with chips. I'm so bad.

I took a job teaching at a charter school here in Salt Lake City. I do not teach Adapted PE anymore. Strange. I thought I would be an APE teacher until retirement. I teach Health to 8th graders, CTE (Career Ed) to 7th graders, and PE to K-5th grades. My schedule is quite mellow and my colleagues are a unique bunch, many recruited internationally. I got lucky with this job, fo sho. I LOVE having a classroom. It is like a second home. Decorating it has been so fun!

I also teach an online grad class for a public university. Between the 2 jobs, I find myself quite busy. A big change from the past 6 months of not working!

Marrying James turned out to be the best decision of my life. That's us in the pic below on a biking trip. Is it possible for a husband to be more loyal, doting, affectionate, giving, than he? Doubt it. His energy level is insane. Nothing goes neglected. He is the King of TCBing. I won't disgust you with how lucky I am being married to him. But just know it, people. Enough said.

Mackenzie, still back in Albuquerque, moves out of her apartment, back in with Doug (her dad) in less than 2 weeks. She continues to plug away at the Aveda Institute and will graduate in the beginning of 2011. The picture below is her standing on the beach in Santa Cruz for her 18th birthday. You go, girl. Prove the world wrong. Mumsy loves ya.

James and I will be flying back to help with the move. I am oh so looking forward to it...pause, pause, NOT!

This weekend, we are flying to the Cesspool Otherwise Known as Las Vegas. I am on a board that has 2 days' worth of meetings. James is so awesome to tag along even though he dislikes it as much as I.

We had some major RV drama last weekend as we were about to head out to Ashley National Forest for the weekend. It wouldn't start. James called the Mercedes dealer (we have a very cool Class B MB Cruiser) and a tow truck came. It gets worse. The incompetent tow truck driver hooked his chains to something inappropriate and bent the underparts all to hell. So, not only was our awesome weekend plans shot to hell, we worried the RV was irreparable. Great news, though. Mercedes called and let us know that the parts arrived from Germany and the RV is ready to go! Phew. If only I didn't have the Vegas meetings this weekend, we could go play in the RV! Pout.

Sidebar: The night before we thought we were leaving in the RV, James said to me: "Ya know, it takes quite a princess to add fresh basil and sundried tomatoes to the camping supply list...." Smiling.

Okay, all, off to shine my tiara.

Honeymoonin' 2010

2010-04-20T13:52:00.001-07:00

The Panama Canal honeymoon cruise was amazing. I was such an indulgent sloth. Here we are on a private island, our cruise ship in the background. James paid a ridiculous amount of money for us to have a butler for the day and our own cabana complete with island meals and massages. Notice the bowl at my feet. I made the poor butler chick pick out only the pineapple and the strawberries from the fruit salad because that was all I wanted. Yes, I was that atrocious.

The highlight of the cruise for me was our time in Costa Rica. I fell in love with the rain forest and particularly the Almonds and Corals Resort. The owner, himself, picked us up from the ship and took us to his resort. We ziplined through the rainforest, we snorkeled (see the cool underwater shot I got?!?), we had our own treehouse (that's James walking in it with a staff), and we had fabulous food in their outdoor restaurant. Going through the Panama Canal and kayaking in Gatun Lake (part of the Canal) was pretty amazing, too. But Costa Rica was magical.

I am settled into Salt Lake City now....jobless and broke. But! Life is good. It is weird though, like Bizarro World. Everything feels opposite of my life in Albuquerque. Smiling. Opposite is good. It is VERY good.

Pho Fun!!!

2010-01-26T20:05:00.000-07:00

There's a new Vietnamese restaurant on Eubank. Kenzie and I went for Pho tonight....as she was a Pho virgin and has since discovered what I already knew, that she'd love it. Wish I could remember the restaurant's name, something with Basil in it, just South of Constitution. It is definitely worth a trip, people. I was surprised how nice it looked inside! White tablecloths, dimmed lighting. Great ambience and the entire bill was all of $16 buckaroos. NICE! My hands still smell like fresh basil!

James is sitting on a plane on a tarmac in Las Vegas. Trying to get home from San Jose. He hasn't been home in a week and a half, between work and staying with me here in the 505. I can't wait till all the travel decreases and some normalcy settles in.

Spinning!!!

2010-01-24T21:10:00.000-07:00

James is a road bike racer, with a team this year!!! It was his turn to be here in the 505 this weekend, SO! We went to a couple spin classes at Defined. He's an awesome influence on me fitness-wise. I am hooked. (On the spin classes, yeah, but I was referring to the guy....)

And Even More News!

2010-01-16T12:40:00.000-07:00

Seven months after first connecting with James, we are getting HITCHED, people!!! Yup, it is so. In a freaking balloon. On Valentine's Day. At 7am in the morning, O Happy Days!

The honeymoon has to wait till mid-March, my Spring Break. A 10 day Holland America cruise through the Panama Canal. We have a suite. It takes up a whole corner of the ship with a wrap around private balcony!!!

The photo was at Xmas (no, really?!?!?), after completing the Stocking Competition!!! James and his light up disco ball stocking received the most votes, so he won the movie tickets! James and I on far right. That's Tyler and Anna on the left. Mackenzie and Joseph in the middle! Yes, Warner's long gone and Joseph's the replacement. Hey, I allow him in the house so he's definitely a step up from loser boy.

News!

2010-01-13T00:10:00.001-07:00

And finally. I can truly say I have cleansed myself of the cop. Looking back I wonder what was the whole HOLD he had on me anyways? It feels good to be able to step back with a little objectivity for once. Phew. The spell is broken. He was all wrong for me. Enjoy your couch sitting. Onward.

James. No more confusion on the topic of James. James is so amazing he stuck around even as I held myself deliberately distant. James waited patiently in the wings, because that is the type of rare gem he is. One of the things I love about James is that I do not have to be RESPONSIBLE. FOR. EVERY. EFFING. THING. With Brian, wow, there wasn't a thing I wasn't in charge of handling. Now, with James, I get to kick back some. And relinquish the mundane duties. How refreshing it is. I feel like a princess. Cinderella fits, methinks.

I made the right decision. Salt Lake City and James and endless adventures await my near future. I am smiling. Bigger than I ever have throughout the whole life of this blog, people, I am smiling.

Waiting Up

2009-10-28T21:11:00.005-07:00

Mackenzie's at some concert tonight. Tech 9, apparently. That's her with me in the pic. I extended her 11pm curfew to midnight for the occasion...so! Here I am killing time until she blows in. She's been very excited for tonight, talking about it for weeks. There WAS a little drama involved. Mackenzie lied to her boyfriend, Warner, that she was working tonight. She knew it would not fly with Warner that she was going to the concert with her friend Joseph. But! As things go, Warner got wind of the truth, and via text, let his feelings be known. Her response to it all? "Screw it. I'm gonna go have a blast at the concert and by tomorrow, Warner will be apologizing and begging me back." Yes, she still has the princess syndrome going on... Me? I hope this is the end of her and Warner. I REALLY wish she'd find a decent boyfriend who was a good influence.

It snowed today. Strange, for Albuquerque this early. I actually did not have any classes to teach today. My midschoolers had teachers' conferences, and being I'm an Adapted PE teacher, I don't do conferences, so yay! Easy day.

Fun at the MVD and in the Bachelorette Pad

2009-10-17T10:32:00.007-07:00

Mackenzie, now 17, has moved back in.
She was only out not even 2 months. Living in an apartment with 4 other lost peers. I let it happen mostly because I didn't know how else to stop her. She got her GED last Spring, she holds a job, so! Events unfolded, but not at my will.
Shoulda, coulda, woulda....but here we are.

Today we were supposed to get her "provisional" license. It is the step AFTER the permit, in which minors spend a year driving with a few minor restrictions. As long as all goes well in that year, they qualify for a real driver's license. As it goes with anything involving the MVD, we did not have all our documents. I looked it up and thought I was covered with just the driving log and all the other millions of proofs of identity, however, we lacked the "certificate of completion" from driver's ed. The website did not list this as a requirement. Now! We have to go back to her driving school sometime next week, get a copy of this VERY. IMPORTANT. DOCUMENT. And trudge back through MVD hell. She is devastated. Had her heart set on having her license today.

Here's the deal we made with her. If she moved back in with me, enrolled fulltime in college, and continued to hold her job, she could have the car her dad bought for her months ago. She agreed to all conditions, but now we have the driver's license glitch to tackle. All will be well within a week, I anticipate.

Tyler and Anna are both 21 now.
Anna just had her birthday.
Still together, after all these years. Technically, they are considered Seniors at University of New Mexico, but they'll have a full 5th year after completing this 4th one. Tyler's been frustrated lately and has been pretty down. Feels like he'll never graduate. Hates his job. Frustrated about their perpetual state of brokeness. He's still holding the same security job he's had throughout college. He has switched his major YET AGAIN. Started out in Engineering, then to Business, and the latest is a double in Psych and History. He decided to ditch the moneymaking futures that would leave him miserable, and instead, focus on his interests. Happiness first. Good boy. Except Proud Mama Bear had to give up the dream of him supporting her someday...but no worries, there is still the lottery.

Me, now.
I am staying afloat.
I continue to live in a gorgeous apartment in the foothills of the city...same place I have been since me and my stomped-on-smooshed-to-the pavement heart left the cop's place back in July. The home I own on the opposite side of town is rented out for the next year and a half, so, here I am. Next weekend I will be doing a 5k, and the SWEET thing about is it's all DOWNHILL! I should have a killer time! I will definitely post it on Facebook and all will think I'm a super fast runner. HA!

James from the last post is still in the picture. He is SUCH a unique human being. Used to be a rocket scientist for creep's sake! He got bored with that and is now an overpaid IT Consultant who also races road bikes, extreme skiis, builds furniture in his gorgeous wood shop, plays drums (& bass) and sings with great talent and has a music studio set up in his house....

James likes me. A lot. Fancy that.

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Seattle Soiree!!!

2009-10-06T21:03:00.005-07:00

Meet James.

This was us in Seattle a few weekends ago. What fun! We took in an awesome show, went for the most beautiful run of my life, and ate the BEST Thai food ever. This man cannot be real.

Mackenzie has moved out. Sigh. I failed her somewhere along the way and do not how to get her back.

Some days I feel like my brain might burst.

Cutting My Losses

2009-08-12T15:37:00.006-07:00

I play this game with myself....more like with my PAST self, the one who does not know me, who does not know where I am at right now in this life moment. I look back to a set period, say a year, and marvel that if my one-year-ago-past self would have been told I'd be HERE? Right now?
She would laugh in your face.

It is SO WEIRD how we have these plans in our head on how we foresee our lives' paths going and then DONG!
Detour out of the blue.

I moved out of the cop's place.
BIG SURPRISE!
Reading through this abandoned blog, and being separated from the dysfunction of the relationship makes for interesting insight. As I read, I remembered how I was feeling behind the words I wrote.
Not good.
Not healthy.
So much heart hurt.

I was far from prepared for the move out. I had actually been neck deep in remodeling projects at his house, with very little help on his part, mind you, being that he needed to keep the indent on the couch warm. But! An unknown woman's kiss at a ballgame and the momentum it initiated was the breaking point.

"What's it to you if I have friends outside of you? Why don't you just let me live my life? Perhaps we should end it," he hissed with eyes piercing me...
swimming in resentment,
hate,
selfishness.

"Yup," I agreed in instant clarity, "Perhaps we should." And it was done.

Details, you do not need. The few days after were pretty rough as I dealt with the typical gamut of breakup emotions...

But!

That first night in my new place? The night I had dreaded and feared I wouldn't get through?
I lit a candle.
I played my "Chill" playlist softly.
I put on my favorite jammies.
I climbed into bed.
And I smiled.
And I slept soundly the whole night through.

The weights dragging me down and smothering me dropped off me that easily.
I am breathing again.

Kas and Josh? Guys, it is ok we went to Horse and Angel that night. He existed, I am ok with that. Perhaps, just perhaps, I am a better person for it.

Onward.

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Vincible

2009-01-27T15:57:00.003-07:00

My stomach is upset today.
Nerves.
I get this way anytime I am forced to see the realities of my life. I feel like barfing. Can hardly hold down the tea I'm drinking.

Aaargh! I am such a coward! Denial is so much easier than being sick like this.

Or is it.

Time to make some "big girl" decisions.

Happy 2009 !!!!

2009-01-01T12:04:00.005-07:00

Ros and Earle came over for the New Year's Eve festivities and I FORGOT to break out the stupid hats and beads and blowers and crap I had bought! Durrr! Oh well, the Sangria's I had whipped up were fantabulous so I'll hang on to that. That's Ros and Earle in the picture!!! The other pic is me in all my brunette glory with Ros. We attempted to play Cranium but the cop was such a Debbie Downer it didn't go over as originally envisioned. Kenzie, my sixteen year old princess slash wild child had her friend Sommer over and they were good girls and stayed in. I called Tyler at 11pm and he and Anna were in bed!!! They had electricians and plumbers coming early this AM to do her kitchen which STILL isn't done. I got an early call this AM from him, "How high up are your kitchen cabinets?" Me, "I dunno, standard height I guess." Tyler, "Well can you measure them?" He's such a strange 20 year old. Has all his priorities in order. I'm STILL working on that myself.

Tyler still rents out a house with friends, but never is there. What a waste of money. His lease is up in June so hopefully he'll just let it go and save a few bucks. He is terrified of the big "C" word ("commitment," people, sheesh!). Doesn't want to give up that final link to bachelorhood and freedom by moving in with Anna fulltime. I know, I know, its actually a wise, responsible decision, being that he is unsure. Like I said, he's the wise one in the fam.

This two week break was such a bust. I did NOTHING, unless you count finish 4 1/2 books. Ros had some friends drive in from California on a whim last night. They just got in their car and drove. They haven't seen her in a decade. How cool.

On The Kids

2008-08-24T16:51:00.001-07:00

Mackenzie's 16 now, though it seems like she's been 16 forever so I'm not marveling or wallowing. It's just finally a fact. School's a little odd this year, as she only attends 11th grade half the time. She takes online classes and a class at CNM the other half. Seems like a new trend taking root--the whole off-campus schooling thing. Not sure if she's self-directed enough to handle it, so I'm treating this first semester like a test tube baby. Watching and waiting.

Tyler's been working like a dog on Anna's new dilipadated house. Oxymoron, yes, but there ya go. Anna's dad, the radical Christian who has no problem telling his kids I'm an "immoral slut" amongst other things, bought her the mold infested, crumbling hole of a domicile as an investment for himself. The plan was that Tyler and Anna would fix it up for Anna to live in while she finishes her college years. Problem with that? Well where do I begin.... Imagine walking into a house where the stench hits you first, and you see walls falling down, bathrooms gutted with no working plumbing, water stains, stripped-down kitchen, windows with pasted on filth... Okay now you are seeing Anna's house. Radical Christian Daddy-O (aka RCD) has done nothing to help these kids get this place livable. I've been giving hours of help and the conflict of it all kills me. On the one hand, I have little Anna (literally, she's super skinny), who's too proud to admit she's over her head on this one, and is left homeless until the house is livable. On the other hand, I have RCD who has made his feelings for me clear (and made sure his name calling passed down to my children), and will make a profit off all my and Tyler's hard work. I hate how he gets to benefit. But at the same time I hate how I see Tyler losing weight, losing sleep, and looking like hell from the stress of trying to remodel this effing house from hell. He's so stressed. Anna's all on her own without him. She's totally leaning on him to pull this off. You see my dilemma now? I have to go help. I have no choice.

Some people in this world are sooooooo disappointing.

On Hot Rods and French Artists

2008-08-22T20:37:00.000-07:00

No I'm not dead. Just inundated with life's happityhaps. Can I just start with my shallow but most pleasurable news?

If you see a smokin' hot little Infiniti G35 sports coupe blow by you with a long haired chick singing loud to the cranked Bose sound system, IT'S ME! Yes, peeps, I'm the proud mama of a sexy little hot rod and I'm "lovin' every minute of it" (as the fab 80's band Loverboy used to say)!

Speaking of proud mama, I have a new baby. Fafi. Named after the French artist chick. Half Silky Terrier and half Maltese and cute cute cute! She's black with white paws and chest and ear tips. All of 4 lbs. and not quite 3 months old yet. She'll get up to 8 lbs.

I'm also fostering a black cat Anna (Tyler's girlfriend) rescued, but hopefully for not much longer. Its so cute watching the kitty and Fafi roll around wrestling. They love to get into things together--tearing up paper, killing my plants, or chewing on panties, things like that.

On Sunsets and Time Machines

2008-05-31T19:21:00.002-07:00

My living room changes colors about this time each evening.

A sleepy pinkish hue settles over my Spanish decor in the most cosiest of ways. It used to envelop me like my white softest of softs blanket, like my black modal cami, like a glass of Ponderosa Reserve Red wine, like a hug from my unconditionally-in-love-with-me 5-year-old daughter.

Only she's not 5 anymore. She's 15.

And this isn't my home anymore. It's Deann and Jay's.

The sunsets over the stunning West Mesa's extinct volcanoes won't be seen by my eyes after this week.

Each night lately, I find myself staring at the volcanoes out my windows, trying to capture it all, trying to imprint a photo into the forefront of my brain so I won't ever forget. I'm already missing that which is right before my eyes. How strange.

The move to the East side is fast approaching. I didn't seek this out. I'm not sure how I feel. It's been like a stone rolling downhill. You all know Newton's laws of motion. You know, momentum and crap. Mix in a mass the weight of an outdated ranch house, and I can't stop the effing stone's path. But don't take me wrong, I'm not complaining and I'm not whining. It is what it is, as some brilliant mind (and millions of not-so-brilliant ones) have said. Okay so maybe I am whining. Leave me alone, it's my blog.

Ros and Earl moved to a beautiful brand new home in Bernalillo, a commuter town just North of Albuquerque. I helped her move, being the incredibly generous and selfless biffle that I am. Earl sold his home in Gallup, and Ros is renting her city pad. All works out in the end. Earl will be MUCH closer to his environmental job in Santa Fe this way. Ros will have a little bit more of a commute, but it's tolerable. So she's happy. Though Earl continues to display his multitude of quirky mannerisms that drive her to the brink of manhating. Don't get me going on his bizarre relationship with his 3 cats. Yes, the SAME cats that caused Ros to have to stop CHEWING her sandwich because Earl told her, DON'T MOVE! BE PERFECTLY QUIET! THE CATS WON'T EAT WITH YOU MAKING THAT NOISE! The noise he was referring to was her standing at the kitchen counter eating a tuna sandwich. Of course, she froze mid-bite out of shock, not out of compliance. Trust me, people, Earl suffered for THAT Earlism later, but at that moment she left the room seeing red, and not just red, seeing Earl's head lopped off with red oozing from it.

Pam's got a new guy in her life and a shorter do. She chopped off her gorgeous locks to donate them to some cancer wig charity. The guy has bucks, lives in Atlanta and works for Lockheed. It all feels too familiar--a fast, swept-off-her-feet courtship. Heavy in to each other. Her constantly talking about him, blah blah blah. I give it two more months.

Anybody have a time machine I could borrow?

Yeah, Dontcha Know

2008-05-16T20:15:00.001-07:00

Hmmm.

Haven't been here in awhile. That crazy little thang called Life keeps distracting me from my Blogging duties.

After a failed attempt at selling my house, I've found some fab renters thanks to Craig's List (love you Craigy!) who signed a one year lease and have become our new best friends. They are moving in here on June 23rd. DeeAnn and Jay. A very fun couple who we've actually started hanging out with. It sounds strange, landlords hanging out with some random renters they found on Craig's List, but hey, we just clicked. DeeAnn's a pharmaceutical rep from Missouri and has kids my kids' age except opposite sexes! Tomorrow night we are going to their place for drinkie's then out for sushi. Two weeks ago we sat on the rooftop bar at Sandia Casino with them and watched the sun set while getting smashed. DeeAnn won 50 bucks on our way out of the casino, the bitch.

Tyler turned 20 a couple weeks ago. Doesn't it seem like just yesterday I blogged all about his 18th surprise birthday party thrown by his awesome friends with the chocolate pudding pool in my backyard???? Yup, he's 20 now. Crazy. Tyler's been living in the dorms the past two years, but just last week rented an awesome house with two friends. They've been Craig's Listing like crazy buying furniture to fill it.

Kenzie, still 15 (turns 16 in August) and never growing up it seems, continues to grey my hair. The Queen of Creating Her Own Drama. I love her to death, but, man, my mom's curse sure was a strong one. I repent, mom! I repent! She'll be a Junior next year. I don't know what else to say on the topic. Let's just leave it at that.

Here's my happy news: I'm so excited because we are once again spending the 4th of July in Minnesota/Wisconsin!!! Even better, Tyler AND his girlfriend Anna will be coming, too! My Minney friends are planning a pontoon day trip on the Mississippi for us, complete with stops on sandbars for grilling, drinking, and basking in Glorious Wondrous Fabulous Life! I am oh so looking forward to that!

Ros and Earl are STILL married, I can hardly believe it. After the beautifully amusing wedding here at the house, they finally got around to signing the forgotten marriage certificate. He continues to drive her nuts, yet she continues to take it. I get exasperated calls pretty much weekly on new Earlisms. The guy may be a genius, but he's relationship retarded. My guess is she'll have a boyfriend on the side within the next year.

Pam's coming to stay with me for a few days in about a week and a half. She's in town all the time, it hardly feels like she's moved! The fact that we talk every day helps, too. We'll be spending mid-June together in Denver--remember the conference I have to present at? Yup, that's the one. I can't WAIT for it to be over, I'm rather stressed about it.

Okay peeps, YAWN!, my sleepy fingerpads are signing out for the nighty-night. Sweet dreams and happy days to ya!

Look Deep Into My Eyes

2008-03-18T07:45:00.000-07:00

My latest little 3rd grade tutoree and I were hunkered down over some grammar lessons last night.

She was reading the directions on an assignment that said, "Alphabetize the following list of words."

She had a puzzled look on her face.

Me, "Do you know what 'alphabetize' means?"

Her, "Yeah, isn't it when you take a coin thingy on a string and you swing it in front of someone's face and say 'you're getting sleepy......'" The child was dead serious.

Me, "No, hon, that's 'hypnotize'." I proceeded to explain alphabetizing. I noticed a devil look growing on her face as I explained the assignment.

Her, "Maybe I could hypnotize you so you will alphabetize the words for me!"

God I love kids.

Cindy's Saga

2008-02-26T16:44:00.001-07:00

Pam, AKA Cindy, had a fab date last night with rich guy. The "Cindy" is Pammy's latest nickname cuz she sent me a text last night from the car saying she felt like Cinderella. I texted back she was here on out "Cindy" for short.

After they met at Harvard Club, they caught Phantom and then ate at the Trump Tower. Oh yeah, and he took her to his apartment to see the amazing view. Central Park is across the street and he runs in it every morning he's in town. Rich guy felt bad for his personal driver, Jose, so instead of Jose taking Cindy back to New Jersey so late, he hired a car for her. Awwwww. He looks out for the little man. We figure the whole night set him back around a grand.

Today she's still giddy from the whole experience. She texted me that she's been waiting by the phone in typical female form. From the sounds of the goings-on of last night, she won't be waiting long.

I'm so bored. Here Pam's got this dreamy fabulous life, and here I am broke in Albuquerque. Life mundane. Perhaps I'm a bit envious. Okay, okay, I am. Not envious of the man, but envious of the world the man has the key to. Shallow I know, but I'll get over it. Sigh. Better get back to the BOSU ball.

Harvard Club Hooker

2008-02-25T18:05:00.000-07:00

My biffle Pam is, as I type, sitting in the Harvard Club of New York City, greeting her rich guy (whose name I won't divulge unless it gets more serious because he's well-known). She was at a conference in New Jersey and he sent a car for her which dropped her at the Harvard Club. She was texting me while she waited that the crowd was business conservative attire. She's slinked out in a black dress and boots. She was feeling way out of place sitting at the bar alone. Here's her text on the issue, "Its lawyer looking types I am afraid I look like a hooker." She probably does. Sigh. Poor Pammy.

Its weird, though. This whole dating the rich New York bachelor. Did I mention he used to date Ann Coulter? My sister found that juicy bit online. Going from Ann Coulter to Pam. Sorry, I need to take a chuckle break here. Actually, Pam is a fabulous human being. Its just we don't typically roll in circles with people who own billion dollar corporations and baseball teams. This is all such an adventure! The cop told me if this thing works out with Pam and rich guy, that I'd have to change my ringtone for her from the current "Friends in Low Places" to "Uptown Girl." NEVAH!!!!!!! She will always be my friend in low places.

The other two things I need to report are that 1) I finally got a BOSU ball (I've been jonesing for one for months) and 2) Tyler (my almost 20 year old fabulous son) is building me a super computer, complete with TV tuner HD/DVR and remote! Okay and I'll add a third, 3) I'm sore all over because I lifted the past 3 days in a ROW! Normally, I go to the gym, hit the treadmill, do a little plyo's, then leave. So this lifting stuff is new. So ouch. I need a massage.

On A Clear Day...

2008-02-21T20:10:00.000-07:00

I can see
a very long way.

Uhh Stef, Can You Start the Music??????

2008-02-19T21:05:00.001-07:00

I had a wedding here yesterday! HERE...referring to my house! Strange but true. Ros and Earle, yes, the same autistic-like Earl who says things to Ros like, "Just dim the lights, honey, then you won't look so old." Or how about, "Your eyes look like puffy slits in the morning." They got married. Except didn't. They forgot to bring over the marriage license in typical Ros fashion. The ceremony was actually quite beautiful in a dysfunctional sort of way. There was formal attire all around, and a beautiful cake to die for (made by a gay teacher HIV positive friend--who also did all the flowers). There was even a reception complete with karaoke singing and the throwing of the flowers and the garter.
My best Minnesota friend Mary was in town on Sunday! We had tea at Flying Star, then we headed to Jackalope for quickie shopping before going back to my house to the chaos of wedding decorating. THEN! We finished with a dinner at El Pinto consisting of her parents and sister, plus my kiddos Tyler and Mackenzie. Mary and I are like sisters, we go way back. Our kids are like cousins, and all her relatives feel like mine--its that kind of relationship. Mary adopted Bree, who was placed in her foster care when Bree was a month old. Bree's head was swollen to twice as big as her body and she was purple head to toe when she arrived at Mary's. Her fuckhead loser paternal and maternal units beat the shit out of her and left her for dead. The Dr.'s were not optimistic. They didn't think she'd make it. Or if she did, that she'd be severely disabled for life. The good news is, Bree walks and talks and is a beautiful 10 year old girl. The bad news is, Bree is emotionally disabled to the point where I worry she could harm one of the other kids. Or Mary or Doug, her husband. Bree's my god-daughter. Mary had another daughter who was Mackenzie's age (Mackenzie's 15). Rachel. Rachel died at her daycare of SIDS when she was 9 months old. It was awful. I don't want to talk about it. She also has Joe, who's about 12 now and incredibly gifted. Plus she has the oops baby, Therese, whose 3. Mary really connected with Mackenzie during the rushed visit. Today she told me that perhaps Mackenzie and Rachel were peas in a pod. They were the same age, therefore she's fascinated by Mackenzie's world. The grieving never stops for any of us.

And then there's Pam. My soul sister who abandoned me for a fabulous job in Atlanta. She called me Sunday freaking out because of a tornado warning going on in Atlanta. I was trying to drive a huge pimped out stick shift Jeep through the city to pick up Mary, and at the same time trying to calm down Pam, who lives halfway across the country. "I don't even know what county I live in, how can I know if there's a tornado here or not?!?!" Pam spent her whole life in Albuquerque, just moved to Atlanta all by her fabulous single self this summer. Since we don't have severe weather here in Albuquerque, she knows nothing about tornadoes. "You won't believe it! You know those Emergency Broadcast Tests? They just had one, only it wasn't a TEST! It was a real Emergency Broadcast about the tornadoes here!!!" I told her to get to the basement as I was grinding the gears trying to drive the beast. "I DONT HAVE A BASEMENT!" I helped her find her safest place, which was a bathtub in a bathroom in the middle of her house, far from the windows. Her cellphone was about to die, she had no flashlight, and couldn't find any matches to light a candle in case the electricity went out. "Pam, sweetie, I love ya and all, but I really gotta go.... I'm sure you won't blow away...." I was already to Mary's parents' house and I hadn't seen her since summer so I was excited to see my sweet friend.

As expected, Pam didn't blow away. Even better, she met a Manhattan millionaire/possibly billionaire through work the next day (he's the major share-holder in the company she works for, she had to do a presentation for the board) and they are going out on an official date next week. He's sending a car for her while she's in New Jersey at a conference. He's bringing her into the city to see a Broadway show and I don't know what else. She didn't even KNOW who he was, but we googled him today and MY OH MY. People, this guy, whose name I won't give out because he's big, this guy owns multiple Fortune 500 companies, part of an MLB team, a pro-Hockey team, and that's just the start of who he is. Googling him pulls up multitudes of interviews in magazines, newspapers, etc. He has his own philanthropy foundation and you've probably heard of it. I will keep you posted if this thing goes anywhere. I'm already thinking of how this could benefit ME! A smokin' fabulous job perhaps???? Awww, come on, what's a girl got if she ain't got dreams?

Ba dee Ba dee Ba dee that's all folks!!!!

2008-01-22T20:22:00.001-07:00

I think I forgot to wash the conditioner out of my hair again. I'm sitting here with a half-wet head and it has that heavy funky greasy feeling. Sigh. It's my early Alzheimer's. See this is a perfect example why blogging of this style is so valuable. A few years from now, when I forget that I'm not REALLY a princess and resort to wearing a tiara 24/7, I'll at least have this blog to give me the cold hard truth. Well, SOME of the truth. I don't write EVERYTHING here. Nobody out there reveals all of themselves to anyone. Its our self-protective nature.

Boring Updates

2008-01-14T21:46:00.000-07:00

Don't even read this one, people. Unless you are having trouble falling asleep. Then you should definitely read on.

So, yeah--being that public school teacher pay sucks cow nipples, I've been tutoring each night after school. It's a pretty sweet gig. The lessons are all computerized and set up for the kids. I have a group of three to six of the little angels each night. My only complaint is that its messing with my workouts. I ran 7 miles Saturday and that was my last workout. Ugh.

Mackenzie is officially a public school student. She left her posh private school for rat infested Cibola High. I'm quite sad about this, but academically she couldn't hold up. She wanted to leave and now she got her way. At least I don't have to get up so early and drive her in the AM's anymore.

Tyler claims the dorms are driving him nuts. He vows he won't spend another year there. His plan is to get a house with some friends this summer. His latest scheme is to spend his Senior year studying in Australia. Whatever. He's such a dreamer. Anna's rich dad is buying her a house--so she'll be out of the dorms after this year, too. Changes everywhere.

My Grandma Ginny (mom's mom) in Florida is moving into assisted-living. I find that so sad and have had a heavy heart for her. Life is so weird! Such a big kettle of contradictions. We worry over every pain and sickness, workout like freaks, take our vitamins, eat well, all in hopes to live these super long lives. She's 90. No one's left for her. I don't want to end up like her. Waiting to die, depending on strangers to wipe my butt. So depressing. I remember seeing my dad's mom feeble like that, in her nursing home, she couldn't even feed herself but her mind was sharp. She was so lonely, just wanted to die. I fed her. My aunt got mad at me because she wanted my grandma to do it for herself. But she didn't have the strength. So I fed her. God I hate that memory.

Anyways my point with the whole grandma tangent was to tell you I'd be going to Pensacola over Spring Break. To help with the move. Yippie kie yie yay.

Here's To Traditions

2007-12-25T20:57:00.000-07:00

Christmas!

Games played and no one got in a fight...check.
Cookies baked and none burnt...check.
Shellfish dinner and no one got sick...check.
Presents opened and no one was forgotten...check.
Movies watched and I stayed through the duration....check.

Looks like I can officially declare this one over and complete. Phew!

2007-12-15T20:25:00.001-07:00

Currently I'm: Sipping on a red wine, sitting on my foot. As usual, whenever I'm blogging.

Wearing: Grey hollister tee with comfy stretch low rise jeans and black socks with no holes.

Last thing I ate: Boca burger somewhere under a mound of ketchup and mustard.

Days till birthday: 350 (which means I'm safe for now)

I typically make a few homemade presents each year for the big Bah Humbug day. This year, I'm doing snowglobes and bracelets. I did two bracelets today--soooo pretty! Don't you wish you were the lucky recipient??? Too bad, so sad.

The snowglobes, grrrr, have become the bane of my existence. I had no problem decorating them, mind you. Stuff like that is second nature for me. The one for my mom has a folk-artsy feel--with random words in various colors decoupaged around the base, all having to do with family. I used tiny heart buttons around the words and put one button on the very top of the globe part. Nice! The other two I've done so far are completely different but I'm too lazy (and already bored with this, yawn) to explain. The problem has been getting photos that are supposed to go inside the globes--the whole POINT of these particular globes. I've been TRYING to get Tyler here so I can get some photos of all of us to go inside the stupid globes. BUT NO! He keeps standing me up and has a million excuses. He's even NOT answering his phone tonight. The globes HAVE to get mailed out on Monday or they won't arrive by Xmas! I've looked through all my photos for a recent one of me and Tyler and Mackenzie, but no luck. So! I'm irritated with my first born. I'm at his mercy right now. He is SOOOO on the naughty list this Christmas.

I got my dad one of those digital photo viewer keychains for Festivus. I was a tad disappointed that the pictures are SO SMALL you can't make out who is who! I thought about mailing along a magnifying glass, but whatever, I'm over it. I spent a great portion of the day editing photos to just be heads so he actually has a slight chance of identifying the photos as humans instead of pizzas (cuz that's what they look like, seriously).

One more week of work, fine strangers, and then a FABULOUS 2 1/2 week break!!!!! Lemme hear ya say "WOO WOO"!!!!!

Goodnight, Gorgeous!

2007-12-13T22:45:00.002-07:00

Currently I'm: Dumping all my music from my laptop to CD's, then on to my desktop's Itunes. Can you say TIMECONSUMING!

Wearing: Victoria's Secret red striped lounge pants with long-sleeved red shirt that says "Goodnight Gorgeous" on it, with "Love Pink" in Silver up the arm.

Last Thing I Ate: Sausage made out of Chicken, Turkey, and Green Chile and some veggies, SO GOOD! Also had criss-cross fried potato thingies and about a gallon of ketchup.

Day's till Birthday: 351 (phew! that took some brain power!)

Pam's been hooking me up with these "presenter" gigs around the country. Its quite fabulous, I just do presentations on Adapted PE related topics. I have one in Denver in June that comes with a 900 buck stipend plus an all-expense paid trip! Pam has all this pull in the Sport and PE world with her new position in Atlanta....It's good to have hooked up friends! I'd still rather have her living here again, but who knows. Maybe I will end up there! At this point, there's really nothing keeping me in Albuquerque. Kenzie would love a change. Tyler is still here finishing college, but that's only temporary anyways. He won't stay here after college. And he lives in the dorms, so me moving wouldn't be a huge drama.

I've always wanted to live by the ocean...

Aging, Metabolisms, and Broken Backs

2007-12-11T19:14:00.001-07:00

Currently I'm: sucking on a gin & tonic, sitting on my left foot with my right leg bent up pressed against my, ummm, chest region, actually.

Wearing: A new birthday brown loungewear set that's soooo comfie and cute! Thanks, sis!

Last thing I ate: Veggie pizza with herbed salad mix on the top and doused with salad vinegar.

Days till birthday: 354

I just realized I'm gonna have to rename this blog in a mere three years! Yikes! 40 something and fabulous? More like 40 something and fat--the way I eat. I'm not sure why I stay fairly small, good genes I guess. My caloric intake is insane. My friends are disgusted, awed, and jealous all at the same time. Pam keeps telling me I'm gonna pork out one of these days. Probably true.

My back is a wreck from overtraining this week. A reminder of my age, I guess. I had run 5 miles on Wednesday, which is fairly mellow for me as I like big miles, and then I had done some serious plyometrics. The next day I could barely walk. I'm still out of commission a week later, and suspect perhaps even a hairline fracture. From jumping like a freak to cranked Joan Osbourne on the Ipod. Jeez.

Fellow teachers, only a week and half to our super-fantabulous BREAK! 18 straight days of pretending we don't have jobs--of doing whatever the heck we want! Let's all do a WHOOP-WHOOP while leaping off our computer chairs, READY? GO! (Yowchers! My back!)

Ba Ba Ba Birthdays and Babes

2007-12-04T21:15:00.001-07:00

Does anybody out there doubt that Tila's going to pick Bobby? Seriously, that's such a no-brainer. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Danny--that's one cool butchy chick. But Tila goes for the lipstick lesbo's, sorry Danny.

My b-day's been here and gone! I ran 6.2 miles that morning just to remind myself that aging can be fabulous.
Have I mentioned my new friend Carolyn I've been trying out? See the thing is, I've lost 2 friends recently--Pam, because she moved (CRY!) and Marissa because she's a liar and I'm a bit picky about things like that. Anyhoo, I potentially have a bit of room in the inner Stef circle so I've been giving Carolyn a shot. She's a teacher hottie I've known for years. She came over for drinkies last night, it was nice. She's having some man issues. She's on posse probation at the moment, we shall see if I keep her around or not...

Margaret's having a Xmas party--the whole dress up kind. Should be a blast! Maybe I'll bring Carolyn and try her out on my other friends.

Gobble Gobble

2007-11-20T20:19:00.001-07:00

I'm almost to the point where I think I want to declare Thanksgiving as my favorite holiday. This is what I like about it:

1) No gift pressure

2) No high expectations

3) Food and family

4) Simplicity

It's been probably 5 years now since my Thanksgiving fiasco....the one where I announced I was "NEVER COOKING THANKSGIVING MEAL EVER AGAIN!" I'm pretty much over it, the whole putting the turkey in the oven, leaving with the family to see Harry Potter, and then arriving home only to find I had NEVER TURNED ON THE OVEN. I handled it in typical Stef fashion...a big temper tantrum, much foot stomping, and a trip to Marie Callendar's--all the while the kids giving me about a 10' berth. At that time, Thanksgiving was ranked way down there below President's Day. Now, its all the way up there at the top, even higher than Halloween!

Tyler, my cheesy 19 year old, has the Gobble Day all planned out. Besides football, there'll be game-playing (Life, Dominoes, and god know what else), movie watching, Xmas decoration hanging, and much food eating. Tyler's all excited he's going to make a homemade apple pie with his girlfriend Anna (their idea, I just wanted to buy one from the VI). Tyler is great amusement for the rest of us residing at Cambria Road...mostly because he's so odd. How many 19 year old boys do you know who want to play Life and bake apple pies and hang Xmas decorations? He's heavy into "family." I tease him relentlessly, we all do, but truth is, I'm proud.

He's also coming over Turkey Friday to babysit Mackenzie, my 10th grader. Pam's coming to town, crashing with me instead of her folks so she can do her wild child thing. The last time Pam was here, I left Kenzie home alone while we went to Whisque and downed multiple mojitos for two hours. Kenzie had her friend Zach over (without asking me! Grrrr...) who brought 2 of his friends with (Tamon and Loretta) that Kenzie didn't know. They lifted her laptop right out of her room. She didn't even know it till the next day, and even then wouldn't believe it. Long story short, we got the laptop back, but I have no plans to leave her alone anymore. So! Tyler's babysitting.

YAY BADGERS!

2007-11-10T17:57:00.001-07:00

Jeez Lou-freaking-weez!

I just read the last 4 blog entries I wrote and can't BELIEVE what a Debbie Downer I have become! Seriously, I've got such a great life with loads of great happenings, but it seems all I ever get on here and write about anymore is the ho hum ding dang dungbombs in my life! Enough's enough! (Mind you, I WAS getting on to bitch about Kenzie's laptop that got stolen by some idiot friends she had over, how we got it back....but nope, not now.)

FABULOUS NEWS! Yvette and Chris are having baby Taylor on Monday! Their second! Remember when I wrote about their first baby, Christian? We blinked and now they are having baby two. Amazing. I'm throwing them an anti-shower in 2 weeks. Everyone has to bring a bottle of wine and a baby gift. We're doing a wine tasting party. I plan to get smashed.

Pam has been in and out of town since moving to Atlanta. She's trolling through the Atlanta single man pool as we speak. Her new thing when she comes to town is crashing with me one night so she can go out without having her parents know how late she is out. Is she 40 or 14? Jeez. No wonder she's my biffle, she's as imature as me. Next night I get to babysit her is Thanksgiving Friday. Apparently, there's big plans being made for us. I shall keep you posted.

Here's the only pic of me in Vegas....I took 60 pix, but me being the designated photo snapper, I'm not in any of them! At least I have this one, proof I really was there....

Oh yes, and by the way, all you fabulous fellow Badger fans, we kicked Michigan's tight little booties today! Donovan, you will be missed, but dang boy, you went out with a kickass BANG today! Mehopes to see your face in the pro's in the near future.

A Thought For My (And Your) Pea Brain to Ponder

2007-10-14T19:07:00.000-07:00

But don't you see that the whole trouble lies here. In words, words. Each
one of us has within him a whole world of things, each man of us his own special
world. And how can we ever come to an understanding if I put in the words I
utter the sense and value of things as I see them; while you who listen to me
must inevitably translate them according to the conception of things each one of
you has within himself. We think we understand each other, but we never really
do.

-Luigi Pirandello, Six Characters in Search of an Author

Stolen from the first play I had to read way back when (don't ask when) in 105 Theater Appreciation. Its been my unsought Thought Theme for the past few weeks. Perhaps I've come down with a mild case of lonelyselfishitis. Nothing an anvil dropped on my pinky toe won't fix.

2007-10-08T18:49:00.000-07:00

Tyler almost died once. It came back to me this weekend, during all the Mackenzie drama of the past two days. Its funny how the brain works that way, connecting one seemingly unrelated event back in time to another, leaving you wondering as the memory moves to the front of the line of budgers, "how did I get here?"

He was 13. I remember just when it was. September 7th 2001. He had had his tonsils removed the week prior. In the late hours of September 7th, he hemorraged. The artery wall erupted. Badly. Choking on blood, gargling it up, hours in the emergency room and no surgeon to be found. The nurse started to panic along with me as we watched him turn grey. This did not help matters, trust me. The nurse was yelling in the hall, "Where the fuck is the surgeon? We are going through way too many buckets way too fast!" Not just grey, but a smell. I think it was the smell of dying. They couldn't stop the blood. My heart stopped beating as I helplessly watched the nightmare before my eyes. Tyler looked at me with these numb eyes. I felt his fear and confusion. He couldn't speak. He started losing consciousness, passing out. Three hours later, a surgeon decided to get out of bed and amble over to save my son. I remember when they closed the doors to the surgery area, Tyler on the inside, me on the out, I fell. I had no more strength to stand, so I just dropped. I called Doug, my hubby at the time, and sobbed and sobbed. He knew nothing of the goings-on because my cellphone had died and I wouldn't leave Tyler's side. Doug rushed over. All ended well, but it still makes me sick and angry when I think about it. Albuquerque is not known for its efficient medical care. This was one of the two worst days of my life.

The other worst day was the day I boarded a plane for Detroit. I was flying to my death, at least in my head. In my husband's head, too, though he never said that out loud, but come on, we'd seen the statistics, knew my chances. I was flying to get my brain turned off by some Super-surgeon who was going to attach my vertebral arteries to my carotids since it appeared my vertebrals had decided to snag like a pair of cheap pantyhose. My brain wasn't getting enough blood. I was dying. The worst place to develop a life-threatening condition, dear strangers, is Albuquerque, New Mexico. No one here knew what to do with me. Hence, the Detroit send-off. I had been dealing with the dissections for a year by the time I was shipped up North. Heck I even had to self-diagnose and request the angiogram that proved I should have gone to med school and my Dr. who thought I was faking the symptoms should have been a cosmetologist or something. On that dreaded day, saying goodbye to my children....I can't even type what it was like, I don't want to remember. I can't go back there yet. But an odd thing happened in Detroit. In just a few weeks time, my snags in my pantyhose arteries went from ripped all the way up in my brain to HEALED. The Detroit team was baffled. I didn't get it. The nurse said, "Take the miracle and don't look back."

Mackenzie had her worst day ever this past Saturday. She lost her long beautiful hair to a botched bleaching process. I'm glad we do not live in the proximity of any cliffs, because Kenzie would've jumped, it was that devastating. I had to slip her a sleeping pill that night to keep her from hunting down any high ledges. Thank you goddesses of vanity and Jessica Simpson for creating hair extensions! Although her length is gone and what's left on the bottom half of her head is fried, you wouldn't know it from looking at her, thanks to the fabulous synthetic barbie hair she has clipped in where her real hair used to be. But hark! Hair grows back. This too will pass.

What a Debbie Downer of a post.

Question of the Day

2007-09-10T20:05:00.001-07:00

Is it better to be loved yet misunderstood or to be understood yet not loved?

Ode to the King of Sadism

2007-09-09T19:45:00.001-07:00

I was thinking about the Marquis de Sade today. No, people, I'm not some sort of weirdo meanie debauchee with a basement full of masochists wearing leather masks and vinyl body suits with the crotch torn out (sorry to disappoint you), I was simply off on a derailed train of thought. Pre-derailment, I was thinking about my daughter and the travails of teen life. Mackenzie is fifteen. 10th grade. Is it just me or does society seem to brush aside the role of the teen as rather insignificant and innocuous?

This is what I was thinking about today. The false tenet that this age group, whose members are REALLY only about two in dog years, is relatively harmless and needs very little brain time in a world with MUCH BIGGER PROBLEMS. But there's a bigger truth here and we all know it because we were there once, in the Land of Raging Hormones and Morphing Body Parts. And now we get to how I got derailed--because I was thinking about what a bunch of fragile SADISTS teenagers truly are. So pervious to the cruel theatrics of their peers yet so cruel to their pervious counterparts....my god there's no way in purgatory I would EVER step into a time vessel and go back there.

The Marquis de Sade must be looking up from the fire pits of Hell and smiling as he watches his little proteges, the transcendent teens of the cultured world, follow not all that far away from his footsteps.

Sweet Simple Summer

2007-08-12T17:54:00.003-07:00

Summer's over, school starts on Tuesday. Teachers headed back already last week. Its fine with me cuz I've been extremely bored. Here's the highlights of my summer after the Minnesota trip.

1) I helped Lyn and Rita paint/border the nursery for their Guatemalan baby boy they are adopting! Kasen. We still don't know when he'll arrive, but they have photos and a video and he's SO CUTE!

2) I went to a Mojito's and Manicures Girls Night Out at the Melting Pot. Three fabulous hours with my fabulous friend Margaret (yes I see I used fabulous twice, get over it. Its my favorite word), the one who turned 30 recently and had the surprise School Girls and Keggers party (scroll down for pix!). Fell in love with flavored Mojito's...

3) Had 14 friends over for a "Make Your Own Pie!" night (say it with a Kramer voice). I grilled a bazillion little pizza crusts (yes, grilled. Homemade, too!). Then put out a bazillion toppings and people made their own pizzas! Such a fun night.

Those were the highlights that stick out in my head, but there were other adventures, too. Mackenzie's birthday was August 4th. A group of us went to Boston's for dinner which was fun. Left the girls at the movies to meet up with a big group of friends, and then later picked them up and four girls spent the night.

Oh yeah, I also did some minor house stuff--cleaned/organized the garage, painted laundry room and put up a shelf, snore.

Last week, went out with some friends to Whisque, the new fancy restaurant just down the road. I discovered their fresh Blackberry Mojitos. Oh my, my, my. They use all fresh juices and then real blackberries floating in with the mint and limes. HEAVEN!

Last night, went to Sandia Casino with two friends, Gloria and Margaret, and we sat on the 9th floor outdoor rooftop bar, watched the sun setting over the city and the city lights. So nice!

I hurt my ankle running in Minnesota, so I haven't been running as much. I started weightlifting again, which is really good for me. Although, yesterday I was on the treadmill for an hour and 45 minutes (I only ran 5 miles though, walked the rest) so I think I'm getting back in my bad habits.

Which reminds me, Mackenzie and I actually went for a run together the other night! It was so weird, she came in my room at about 8pm (I was folding laundry) and said, I'm bored. I suggested the run thinking she'd give me the look and go away, but she actually said, okay. Pleasant surprise! Maybe she's growing out of the "my mom is a fungus growing under my armpit" phase....

Rage Against (Creepy Old Guys) and the Machine

2007-08-12T17:54:00.002-07:00

Its actually Monday evening the 13th, not sure why Blogger's showing it as yesterday. Whatever.

Grrrr!

Warning...bitch session follows:

Setting: At the gym on the second treadmill from the far end, with about 10 treadmills to my right open, and the one against the wall to my left open. The gym was dead, it was about 2pm today.

Protagonist: Well, that would be me. This is my story, of course I'm the good guy!

Antagonist: Creepy Old Guy (COG from here on out). Truth be told, he wasn't really that old, but still, he was yucky.

I was almost 5 miles in to a nice little run, my goal was 6. Rage Against the Machine cranking in my ears at the moment in question, keeping me all pumped up. I was in my own little world, feeling motivated and running strong.

Enter COG. Yup. He sidled up and appeared out of nowhere on the treadmill against the wall to my left, even though there was a row of 10 open ones all along my right. I looked down the row of treadmills all open, and I wondered, why did he take the one RIGHT NEXT TO ME?

Slightly irritated I began forgetting about it until he started the chicken wings thing as he was walking. You know, flapping like a bird, up and down with his arms in some pathetic attempt at arm stretching--which is oh so important when YOU'RE RUNNING! Yes, we all need to remember to flap, flap, flap those arms before a freaking TREADMILL workout cuz you don't want to get carpal tunnel or anything from all the strain of, you know, WALKING!

But I digress. Back to the bitch session:

As he was flapping, he hit me. Well it wasn't actually a "hit", more like a brush. BUT EWWWWW! I looked over cuz I wasn't sure if he just nudged me to get my attention and tell me something, but he kept doing the flapping thing as I looked over and I could see him mouth, "sorry!". I smiled through clenched teeth and through the cranked Rage song,"Killing In the Name Of...". Oh the irony.

Now I'm running totally irritated and creeped out. Can't even hear the music, I lost my stride. The treadmill turned over 5 miles.

He FLAPPED ME AGAIN! I couldn't believe it. His flap hand once again brushed down my bare arm.

And I looked down the row of totally open treadmills and was completely perplexed WHY HE WASN'T WAY THE HELL DOWN THERE! I mean, come on, I was there first! I always give people space!

After the second flap attack, I had had it. I slammed my hand hard against the STOP button. COG was staring at me the whole time. I kinda felt that second brush was intentional, cuz he was looking at me, too, but who knows, maybe I'm way off.

I stormed outta there and beelined home and hit the shower---obsessively washing my left arm, mind you.

In closing, I just want to point out that for the most part, I'm pretty freaking nice! But here's some advice: don't touch me if I don't know you, and definitely, DEFINITELY don't mess with my workouts.

2007-08-12T17:54:00.000-07:00

Currently I'm: waiting for Big Brother 8 to start
Last thing I ate: Chocolate ice cream with Reeses Peanut Butter cups in it
Days till birthday: 110

Haven't been here in awhile. Let me wrap up the Hummingbird saga quickly, cuz I'm over it...

Mackenzie had a friend overnight and at 4am in the morning they decided to go play in the backyard. That was the last anyone ever saw of Mama Hummer. She abandoned the nest. My guess is she got spooked by the girls in the yard, blindly flew away in the dark, and hit a tree or house or something. I thought about saving the egg, but then read that newborn hummers need drinks every 20 minutes. So! The nest is still up and the egg is rotting in it.

On to the quail now.... After I saved the 12 babies from the hole in the front yard (scroll down to see the pix), Daddy-o decided he liked the yard and hung around with his babies for a week or so. Last count, there were 4 babies left. What a good daddy, though. He never abandoned them even through all the drama.

Crap, BB8's on, more later....

Hummingbird Adventures #3 and Quail Adventures #5

2007-07-13T18:51:00.002-07:00

The hummingbird momma has been gone from the nest since I woke up this morning and its now after 2pm. I've been wringing my hands about this all day. She's never left this long before. She was in the nest last night...last check around midnight, so I don't know what happened between then and 8am. The plan is, if she doesn't show up by dark, I'm going to take the nest down and somehow keep the egg warm. Try to incubate it myself. I'll google this for advice. There's no way the egg would make it through the cold high desert night without its momma. Not sure if its alive even now, all's I can do is try, though.

Daddy-o, my nickname for the single dad quail who lives in my frontyard, was out feeding with 3 of the 13 babies this morning. I snapped this picture of him then, but the babes ran in the bush. I'm worried about the other babies, not sure if they made it. I guess the whole adventure of saving them from the tube they fell in (see the pic of them in it below, its really cool) wasn't enough for a "happily ever after" ending for this family.

Quail Adventures, Episode #4

2007-07-13T18:51:00.001-07:00

Daddy-o and babes are still around. See him on the little wall at my neighbor's house in the pic? They come and go, I never know when I'm going to see them. When I do, they are either in our yard, or either house to the side of us. Last night, however, he only had one baby with him AGAIN! We worried, did the others fall in another hole???? Get eaten???? That's when I snapped the pic, last night when he only had one with him. Daddy-o turned up again today, around 10:30am this morning, with four babies. Perhaps he just takes a few out hunting at a time? I'm not going to worry about it.

Here's an odd thing, though. This morning when he was pecking around the front grass with the four babies, there were also four sparrows with them. The sparrows were not being aggressive, but they were not feeding either. They were just walking along with the quail, watching them. There was one point when Daddy-o crossed the yard to the neighbor's, one of his babes got separated and stayed in our grass. The four sparrows surrounded him. Circled him like a gang of bullies. I worried they were going to get aggressive and was about to go outside to chase them off. But the little quail started hopping towards some flowers and the sparrows backed off and made space for him to go. The sparrows never touched him. Then I could hear daddy-o calling from the neighbor's yard. I'm assuming he noticed he had lost one of his little guys, hence the calling.

I wonder about these sparrows. What is their goal? Why do they tag along? Daddy-o didn't seem too concerned about it. I read that quail are not territorial, so that makes sense. They seem to just pretend the sparrows don't exist. But what do the sparrows want with the quail? Are sparrows voyeurs? Simply enjoying watching the new kids on the block?

Hummingbird Adventures Episode #2

2007-07-13T18:51:00.000-07:00

Good and bad news with the Hummingbird saga. Bad news first....an egg has fallen from the nest. Good news is...there's still one left in the nest and momma Hummer is guarding it fiercely.

We've been trying to figure out what happened to the fallen egg. Only two theories hold. Number One: Momma threw it out of the nest. Number Two: Some sort of predator got up there and did it.

The weather's been great here. No wind or precip can be blamed. The nest is so deep the egg couldn't have fallen accidentally. Perhaps the momma cracked it herself, accidentally? Then threw it out? I don't know. Notice in the pic with the cracked egg you can see the wood screw above it. I just wanted to point that out so you get an idea how super tiny these eggs are. Not much bigger than the head of a wood screw.

Quail Adventures, Episode #2

2007-07-12T11:59:00.005-07:00

Got up early, couldn't sleep, cuz the Quail daddy-o has left. Didn't hear him all night. The babies at this moment are cold and sleeping and trying to get to the bottom of the pile in the tube they remain trapped in. In an hour, I'm calling my last hope for advice....a couple here in ABQ with an interest in birds. No one else city employed will help. FRUSTRATING! I want to know if I should try putting some food down there, or if we should just free them and hope for the best. Perhaps daddy-o will come back, but he's never left before, even with us lurking around. Daddy-o took his one baby with him, so weird.

The cool thing about quail is that they are pretty self-sufficient shortly after hatching. They could forage for their own food. So, if we take them out of the tube, they could find food. We have various natural food sources for them in the yard. The only problem is they have no protection from predators, and they are so small. The tube provides them with safety but starvation. Freedom provides them with the opposite. We need advice.

Quail Adventures, Episode #3

2007-07-12T11:59:00.004-07:00

Great news!

Daddy-o came back! Still toting his solo baby quail behind. I called the bird expert, Meg Darling, and she told me to take the other 12 babies trapped in the tube out, that they are stupid little guys and probably had just fallen in. She also said that whole thing about human scent on them making the parents abandon them is a myth. She said dig right in a pull them out. Daddy-o would come for them.

That's what I did! It was really hard getting a grip on them without squishing them, they are sooo tiny! I knew Daddy-o was watching from a bush close by. Tyler and I had made a nest the other day for them, so I put them in it as I pulled them out, but that was pretty much a joke as they all hopped right out of the nest and made a beeline for the closest bush. All except one, that is. He decided to head in another direction. After a brief and exciting hunt for the loner, we found him and corralled him back to his brothers and sisters. All were together in their bush, about 10 feet away from Daddy-o's bush. Our job was done. I went in the house and waited in the window. About 10 minutes later, daddy-o responded to the chirping. He called back as he crossed the lawn to his babies. More talking amongst them, the family was reunited!

Daddy-o took his babies across the lawn and back to his bush. We said our goodbyes. They are on their own now.
Check how how far down the tube my arm is, shows you how deep they were. This last picture you have to look closely. Daddy-o is on the wall, leaning down, talking to his babies that are scattered in the rocks. That's his bush home to the right. There's a nosy sparrow sitting on the wall to the left, but Daddy-o showed him who was boss and the sparrow quickly flew off.

Hummingbird Adventures Episode #1

2007-07-12T11:59:00.001-07:00

As if the Quail family in the front yard wasn't enough, we have a Hummingbird nest in the back! Remind me, am I living in the city of Albuquerque as I thought, or some wildlife refuge in the middle of a freaking jungle?

We found the nest embedded on some dangling Christmas lights around the back deck's roof. Looks like there's two eggs in there but there could be three. I shot the photo quickly when momma bird left the yard. She built it while we were on our Minnesota trip. She seems pretty tolerant of us thus far. Except for a freak moment last night, that is.

The hummer tried to peck our heads off last night. There was smoke coming from all over the neighborhood around 10pm, so the cop and I went in the backyard trying to look over the fence towards the arroyo, because our backyard is untouched open space, looking for the fire source. The hummer went crazy! It was dark, she couldn't see well, and we were in her space at night. NOT GOOD! She was trapped under the deck roof, too, and appeared to panic when she thought she couldn't get free. We made it back inside after lots of screaming and panicking (that woulda been me) and learned our lesson. She's on her eggs right now as I type, and spends most of her time there. We avoid the backyard as much as we can so she can incubate without freaking out and leaving.... By the way, we never found the fire source. Just loads of smoke. It must have put itself out, perhaps a tiny brush fire?

Look closely at this last photo, you'll see the momma hummer in the nest. That's as close as she'll let me get. Its ALOT smaller than it looks.

Quail Adventures, Episode #1

2007-07-12T11:59:00.000-07:00

It all started with an unusual bird call that went on ALL NIGHT. In the morning, the cop found the guilty party...a redheaded, black plumed, male Gambel quail (see second picture, that's him)! The thing wouldn't leave our yard. We thought it was injured. I even called wildlife rescue to come get it, but when they arrived, the bird was gone...only to turn up later of course, once the bird cop left. We marvel now, that we never even considered he was protecting his offspring.

Tyler found them, about 12 of them, down in a PVC pipe drain in our front yard. It juts out of our landscape rocks. The quail are about a foot down the pipe, piled on top of each other, trapped. Our initial reaction was to move them to save them, but then theorized their dad put them down there for a reason. Like any good parent, he's keeping his offspring safe. Amazing.

Here's an interesting tidbit....the dad has one chick with him, out of the drain. It follows him around wherever he goes. Why is this, we wonder? No clue. Another interesting fact is that the mom is nowhere in sight. Gone. Amazing that the dad has taken on full-time single parent role.

On Neglect and Nurture

2007-06-16T21:02:00.001-07:00

I'm troubled.

Tyler (my college 180lb baby) was here last night with me, hanging before he worked his night shift as a campus security guard. I breezily reminded him today was Father's Day, that he should call his dad. The reaction I got threw me.

When I spoke about calling daddy-o, there was an obvious stiffening. And Tyler didn't respond.

Me being the mum, the one who's known this kiddo since his bald red screaming face screeched into the world on my Senior Prom night, knew right away something was amiss.

But ALSO! Me being the mum, I know there's a time and place Tyler will talk (after all he IS a martian), and right then, if I woulda questioned his reaction, he woulda stayed in his clamshell. So! I waited.

A few hours later, I got him to that place where I knew he was ready for it.

"So, what's up with you and your dad?"

Tyler let out a big resigned sigh.

"Do you realize how long its been since he's called me? The last time was that call weeks ago asking me about health insurance, and how he was irritated your insurance covers me till I'm 25 and his doesn't. He didn't even want to talk about anything else or ask me about anything going on in my life....he just wanted to get off the phone."

So, now people, you get why I'm troubled. I could feel the hurt. It was like he was seven again. So innocent, so vulnerable.

He went on to tell me when he DOES talk to his dad, his dad only seems to talk about himself--never asks about Tyler. "And I have A LOT of cool stories to tell about my work!!!"

Tyler said he will NOT be calling his dad this Father's Day, that instead he's going to wait and see if his dad calls him.

This all makes me so sad. GOD! WHY DO WE PARENTS FUCK UP SOOOO BAD!!!! No wonder we are a society of dysfunctional adults! Its these LITTLE THINGS like not making the time for a freaking phone call that plant seeds of insecurity and worthlessness that FOREVER reside in the deep recesses of our heart valves. And we adults, we get so caught up in our own lusts, heartbreaks, and self-centeredness that we DONT EVEN REALIZE how we are impacting our offspring. I've said it before, its been a potholed road of parenting I've taken both Tyler and Mackenzie down. It will forever cast its shadow on them both.

There was a study done on nurtured mice and neglected mice. The neglected baby mice were only given fake mama mice in their box. The nurtured got their real actual mama's in their boxes. The point was, the nurtured baby mice would go out and about in their boxes, exploring the space, completely curious and interested in their surroundings--returning to the mama every now and then, only to go explore once again. The neglected mice stayed curled in a ball by their fake stuffed mama mice, never venturing around the space to explore, never demonstrating the confidence and curiosity or interest to explore seen in the nurtured mice. This speaks fucking volumes.

All's I thought of when Tyler opened up, was the mice study. I don't want him to be like the neglected mice. I already know a few neglected mice, and I couldn't STAND it if my own parenting led to another one set free on the world.

I told him, "Tyler, we parents fuck up ALOT. Your dad has definitely fucked up on this one. But he loves you. I know it. And I love you. I'm ALWAYS here for ya. Whatever you need."

Him, "I know. I love you too."

The "I love you's" flow freely in this house. And the hugs and kisses. We are very affectionate. Is that enough to keep him from curling in a ball? God I don't know. His fragile heart has already been through alot these 19 years. Life is soooo fucking hard sometimes.

Margaret! Awwww, The Big Three Oh!!!!!

2007-06-16T21:02:00.000-07:00

Remember my Greece trip last summer? How I went with not just Ros who I blog about alot, but also Margaret who I NEVER seem to mention? Well, last night, Margaret turned 30! Her boyfriend threw her a School Girls and Principals surprise kegger! She had NO CLUE, it was awesome! That's her and Scott on the left, me in my finest Catholic schoolgirl attire on the right. The party was PACKED! Every room stuffed with bodies. That speaks volumes for how amazing she is---sooooo many friends! The night before we were out with them, too....at the new fancy shmancy Whisque Bar and Restaurant just down the road from my house. People, get the Ooey Gooey Cookie dessert thingy. Seriously. Orgasmic.

Margaret's SO FUN! She's a rare soul, that's for sure. Every positive personality trait you can name, she carries. Just thinking about her makes me smile. When I met her new boyfriend Scott for the first time recently, I was telling him how FUN she made Greece for me....he said, "Tell me about it, I went to Vegas recently with some friends and I told them, you guys suck, you're so boring, I'm calling Margaret!" He won me over with that. Margaret's in good hands.

Welcome to the 3rd---no! The 4th life decade my GREAT FRIEND! The door's wide open, come on in--don't be afraid! Its the most FABULOUS decade thus far!

Hope You Fare Well, My Friend!!!!!!

2007-06-08T09:51:00.000-07:00

Pam's the upside down one. Party was last night, this was us after a few marg's. She's here only a few more days!!!!!!!!!! My heart's kinda heavy about it.

2007-05-24T14:08:00.001-07:00

I've had a few little quotes stuck in my head lately. For various reasons. Here, now you can have them:

Beautiful young people are acts of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.

A person's true character is revealed by what he does when he thinks no one is watching.

If you are looking for faults to correct, try looking in a mirror.

Some people come into our lives, make footprints on our hearts, and we are never the same.

We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere.

Whatever. We're done here.

While I'm On....

2007-05-19T17:11:00.000-07:00

My big sis was here for the week! We had a FAB time, but dang I'm exhausted! She's 39 and single. If you are a fabulous Minney or Wisconney Martian, look her up! That's her on right, me and Tyler, my college kiddo, on left. Checkin' out the Petroglyphs. He's doin' some dorky pointing thing, looks like he's pointing at the volcanoes behind us, and is in desperate need of a haircut. Bottom pic is one of the petroglyphs. Its pretty cool to hike around the rocks and see various ancient drawings. Any visit to BaJerky is incomplete without a trip to the petroglyphs--so come visit us peepies!

Flowers and Chance and Hurricane Katrina

2007-05-14T06:41:00.000-07:00

Tyler came home at 4am Saturday night, after work, and left these flowers on the counter, just like you see 'em, so his lil ole mumsy would wake up and be all happy and surprised. Awwww! Even Mack came through this year....

Never you mind she's been salivating for months over Chance (she's a perfume addict), spotting my Mother's Day gift as her opportunity for killing two birds with one shiny gemstone. The cool thing here is she made the effort. And she pays attention--by knowing how I like Chance myself. Tyler has no clue, my likes and dislikes in the shopping department, but Mack knows me to a tee. I like that. The card she got me plays Mick Jagger's Mother's Little Helper. Ha! My latest nickname for her is Katrina. As in the hurricane. Cuz she blows through the house and leaves destruction and mess wherever she goes. Matter of fact, she was rather irritated with me last night cuz I couldn't stop with the Katrina's. Like I've said before, I'm easily amused. Anyhoo, Mother's Little Helper? Yeah right, my left bunion foot she's a mother's little helper.

But! All the years of stomping around the house pouting about being neglected on past Mothers Days finally paid off. Both my offspring, the Yin and the Yang, made efforts this year! I'm happy. They're healthy. Life is good.

Happy Mother's Day all you fabulous moms out there!

Question of the Day

2007-05-06T07:48:00.000-07:00

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

Happy Cinco de Mayo Fabulous Friends!

2007-05-05T21:01:00.001-07:00

Currently I'm: Just getting back from hanging with Pam (its 10pm here in the Qwerky City)

Last thing I ate: Granola made by Costco's bakery--seriously the best granola in the world! Loads of various seeds and nuts and dried fruit

Days till birthday: 205

Current mood: Its a mixed bag tonight--excited (cuz sistah is rolling to town in about a week and I just found out!), tired (cuz of the drinkies from last night from Jill's bday festivities and the weird freaky dreams), relieved (cuz Tyler got Mackenzie's school trebuchet project done today, even though next week is his finals he still came and helped out, see pic)

I FINALLY got to Pam's today to see her rocks. She's home-repair retarded, so spreading rocks on her lawn was a big deal. I did the proper amount of hand-clapping and jumping up and down to make her feel big about it. She got all puffed up. And! The sign went in her front yard so it's official. House is on the market. Prepare yourselves, fine men of Atlanta, cuz this desert chica's a wild one! Alba-jerky won't be the same without her.

That's Pam and Dottie (who I call The Dotster, or The Damn Dog), my ward whenever Pam travels. Notice the amazing rock yard? Good girl, Pam! Clap, clap, clap! Whose fabulously exciting hot rod is that in the driveway, you ask? Yours truly, peepies. Shut up about it, at least I'm safe.

Butts and Earlisms

2007-05-03T18:52:00.001-07:00

That's me to the right. What's with the hair, you ask? Looks like I stuck a staple in an electrical outlet perhaps? I really did that once! Much younger of course. By about 30 years. I just couldn't resist. I had the staple in hand, and I could tell it would fit perfectly. Had to do it. But only the once. Hurt too bad to attempt again. I ate a pack of Easter egg dye tablets one time too. But I digress. Back to the hair. I've been experimenting with going curly, but I kinda went overboard with it in the pic.

These were taken bowling last night. Still in happy gear. Enter Earl.

Earl, yes people that's his real name, is Ros's boyfriend who has a proneness for sticking his Martian foot in his mouth.

Examples:

Number One: "Honey, even if you were hot like my OLD girlfriend with the blonde hair and big boobs, I'd still be this way!"
Number Two: Ros asks, "Could you dim the light?" Earl, "Why, to hide all the cracks and crevices?"
Number Three: Ros waking up, sees Earl looking at her. She smiles and says, "Gmornin." Earl looks at her, "You're all puffy."

These are some mild examples. He really doesn't mean to be mean. He's trying to be funny. Otherwise he's simply being honest. He feels sooo bad after an Earlism escapes and he realizes his blunder. I have worse, much worse examples of Earlisms. But I'm not gonna blab their sexual problems all over Cyber World. Man, though, I wish I could, some of it is sooooo freaking FUNNY! Well, to you and me. Not to her.

Back to my story. Bowling. Last night. Camera was out, I was snapping pix...cuz hey, give me a camera and I'm entertained for HOURS. Heck, give me a STRING and I'm entertained for hours. Doesn't take me much. I took a picture of Earl and Ros. Smiling at the camera. Big deal. Right? One would THINK. But that pic ruined the rest of the night.

Ros grabbed the camera from me as girls tend to do, "let me see how I look! Aww that's bad." She showed it to Earl. "Nah that's not bad! Just crop out your legs if you don't like them!" A hush fell, cuz we all could feel what was next. Ros, teeth clenched, said, "I didn't SAY anything about disliking my legs..." Night was over. An hour later they left with her STILL huffing her way out the door over the latest Earlism. Earl left dragging his tail between his legs, poor male creature. Such a relief to see them go, though. A couple DDR games later (kisses to the creators of DDR's!), my night ended too, but with much less fanfare.

HAPPY DAY I GAVE BIRTH TO TYLER!

2007-04-30T13:01:00.000-07:00

Awww, look at my little baby! He's changed a bit since that photo.

I just read over my blog entries from Tyler's surprise birthday party from last year--you all remember the chocolate pudding baby pool and high school Seniors in every crack and crevice of my house (by the by, there are still pudding splotches on my stucco in the backyard and I can't get them off!). I even said it then, how I was feeling a bit sad, cuz what his whole tight knit group of amazing friends didn't yet comprehend, was that they were right smack at the end of their glory days.

And here we are. A year later. There are no friends here decorating the house. No one is making gallons of pudding. Nobody is in the kitchen attempting to cook as only a group of teenage girls can. And none of the old gang are planning to come. The group has disbanded and disbursed to various corners of the country, finishing their Freshman years, totally oblivious to where they were last year at this time, I'm sure.

Tyler and Anna are coming over after classes. On request, I'm grilling steaks, and making mashed potatoes and corn on the cob. All's I'm giving him this year is a card with money. And that's it for his big 19th party. This is so weird! I ALWAYS make a huge ba donk a donk about the kids' birthdays. So here's a first. But I don't really like this whole doing nothing spectacular tactic. Next year it'll be full blown ba donk a donk cuz it just works best for me.

Gotta blurt it...MY BABY IS 19 TODAY!!!! NINE FREAKING TEEN!!!!

Kleenex, please

2007-04-28T07:41:00.001-07:00

Currently I'm: blowing my nose alot

Last thing I ate: pretzels last night

Mood: whipped

I dunno if I should go to the board meeting today or not. I was either food poisoned or I had some weird stomach flu and I'm scared the ole tumster will be hurtin and churnin. There is that upside to having tummy probs though. Come on girls you SOOOO know it. Stepping on the scale once feelin' better will be fun, fun, fun!

And can we take a moment right here and do a dance on our computer chairs cuz the end of the school year is all of FOUR weeks off!? I got my flights booked back to the great state of Minney and plans are being solidified. My old stomping grounds border with Wisconney, so loads of activities are happening East of the river. If you are in LaCrosse over the 4th of July, in the beer tent, just look up cuz I'll be the dork dancin' on the picnic table in my True Religion's with a drink in hand, sloshing it all around those poor souls below me. Probably a slice of Rocky Rococco's pizza in my other hand cuz that's what I most miss about being up there and tend to eat ALOT of it when I go back.

Not much else knockin' around my brain at the moment to tell ya.

Question of the Day

2007-04-26T06:51:00.000-07:00

What, exactly, is that freakin' flavor in Blue Moon ice-cream?

2007-04-25T08:14:00.001-07:00

Question of the Day

2007-04-24T17:23:00.000-07:00

Why don't they make mouse-flavored cat food?

Ring Ring! Who the Freak Is This?

2007-04-24T15:27:00.001-07:00

Currently I'm: looking fabulous as I just came from getting my hair done

Last thing I ate: non-dairy smoothie with pineapple, peaches, wild blueberries, banana, and strawberries

Mood: rallying

Days till birthday: 217 (Looks like I was off a few days the last time. Sue me. I'm no mathematician. I'm over it.)

Tyler turns 19 in 6 freaking days! I promised him a Costco chocolate cake so gotta make sure I get there this weekend. The gift is easy this year. MONEY!

Mackenzie and I did our Monday Night Festivities last night. Remember how I blogged how all she gets is the mac and cheese with a strawberry shake from Flying Star? Now I have photographic

PROOF of it.

The dancer called me. Out of the clear blue high desert sky. I didn't even recognize the number, that's how long its been, that's how OUT of my brain he is.

His call was perfectly innocent. He heard our mutual biffle Pam was leaving the Duke City. For, what she says, is a much better man pool in the sweaty city of Atlanta. He wanted my take on it, as if I'm the level-headed one in the group. He also wanted to inform me he was getting married.

Hmmm. I am feeling a little perplexed, being it was only November he was texting me and trying to get my attention. Give up, buddy! SOOO dumb! Unless you don't mind settling for half-ass love instead of pure zsa zsa zsu...but that's not how I roll. The twist here is, all the attention he was annoying me with back in November? HE WAS WITH THE CHICK HE'S NOW GONNA MARRY! So I feel kinda bad for her. Because I feel she's stuck sopping up my leftovers. Or maybe not. Who cares.

The Dancer taught Mackenzie dance in 3rd grade (remember she's 9th grade now). That was our first encounter. I danced at that same studio as well. He moved to Vegas to dance for a year, so no more teaching Mack. Dancer forgotten, Mack quit the studio, I stayed on. Eventually he came back, and we'd cross paths and chat at the studio. Barely acquaintances. Heck, I assumed he was gay! I mean come on! He's a freakin' ballet dancer! He was great friends with my best bud, Pam, so we all started hanging out.

My favorite memory of those days was a little gift he and I gave to Pam. She went out of town for a week. I was running DDC (doggie daycare) and being paid by the Friendship Bank, which Pam dips into ALL THE TIME. The Dancer and I, both being fairly artistic with our respective homes, did a whole While You Were Out surprise remodel on her master bathroom! We used an Opera poster that she had been in as our canvas. It turned out AMAZING! In the end, the whole theater theme was perfect. She was ecstatic!

I guess another good memory from TDD (the dancer days) were the free tickets I got to shows. How sweet it was how he always wanted me to come. How he'd be nervous performing in front of me and would tell me so. I felt pretty special in the audience. Like he was dancing just for me.

It's the mirage of the dancer. I was entranced by it. Then the dancer spoke. What a waste.

Question of the Day

2007-04-23T07:07:00.000-07:00

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

Opening the Vault

2007-04-21T14:21:00.000-07:00

People, people, people. You are gonna be sooo happy you stumbled upon my fabulous blog and here's why. I'm in the mood to tell you a secret. A VERY special secret that took me LOADS of undercover work to uncover. You're hooked now, aren't ya? Secrets do that to us. See, there's this restaurant in town, Garduno's. Margarita fans flock there by the bazillions as they have the BEST selection. One in particular always seems to bring on the taste bud orgasm and its the FANTABULOUS Coconut Margarita. Here's the actual recipe they use. Merry freakin Christmas.

GARDUNOS COCONUT MARGARITAS:
1 ½ oz Premium tequila (don't be cheap here people)
1 oz Triple sec
1 ½ oz Coco Lopez or Cream of Coconut
3-4 oz Sweet & Sour Mix (I make my own with 1 C splenda baking mix, 1 C water and 1/3 C half key lime juice and half lemon juice--cuts down on a few calories this way.)
Finish with a pinch of toasted coconut.

Gardunos blends theirs with ice, but you can do it on the rocks too--just shake the shit out of it before serving.

Dip the rim of the glass in honey and toasted coconut! Notice how I bolded that last line? I did that to impress upon you that this detail is what makes this the best marg in the world. If you skip this step I will hunt you down, slather you in honey, and dump a 10 lb bag of toasted coconut over your head.

Question of the Day

2007-04-21T11:59:00.000-07:00

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Three Years Left....

2007-04-20T06:32:00.000-07:00

I love her fiercely, but man, she challenges me.

Question of the Day

2007-04-19T06:57:00.000-07:00

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

One Single Plop

2007-04-18T08:10:00.001-07:00

Currently I'm: In my classroom killin' time.

Mood: discombobulated

Last thing I ate: crap, I just realized I forgot breakfast. Last thing I ate was Baskin Robbin's sugar free mint choc. chip hard sucky candies. Ten calories each. I had 3 before bed.

Days till birthday: 192

This is how my day is unfolding thus far.... I got up. Stumbled to coffeepot wearing my fave black modal (SO SOFT!) cami and pink V Secret boy shorts. Not sure why I threw that in there, but there ya go. Rinsed coffepot. Grinds in, water in. Hit start button. Nothing. Yes, people, you read right. Nothing. WTH? Now anyone who knows me even a FRACTION knows about my coffee habits. Broken coffeepot is NOT GOOD. It'd be like a herione junkie without a needle. Or a spoon (or is that crack? I'm not real up on the whole illegal drug scene)...I guess they could just eat it though. Hmmm. Never thought of that, I coulda just ate the freakin grinds.

Anyhoo back to the day. I stumbled BACK to the bedroom WITHOUT coffee in hand. Grumbling all the way. Feelin the stress levels rise. All's I could think of was Starbuck's Starbuck's Starbuck's gotta quick get my freakin fix before I combust. Time wasn't on my side either. It was either makeup or coffee run. Coffee run won. I'm here at work right now with not a trace of Mac on me anywhere. But happily I must say the Venti Starbucks cup is two inches from the keyboard. Left side if you care.

So! I get to work and am informed all my Special Ed kiddos are on a field trip to the zoo, zoo, zoo this fine Wednesday! That means, I have NOTHING to do for the next 3 hours. Notice how I wrote zoo 3x? Parents or preschool teachers probably got that. I was singing that Bram and Lois song as I typed, "We're goin' to the zoo! zoo! zoo! You can come too! too! too! How about you? you? you? We're goin' to the freakin zoo!" (I may have embellished those lyrics with a freakin to enhance reader interest.)

This Pam news is eating at me. I'm referring to her new job, her move to Atlanta. Its affecting me. All my fans out there know how tight we are. Sista's born from different wombs. I'm thinkin' of those twins from Talledega nights, what were their names? Breeze and something. Ya know, from the one single plop scene? That's me and Pam. One single plop. Hers is the kitchen counter I go to when I need a good cry. I sit up on it, and she sits next to me with a Mike's Hard Lemonade offering and wraps her arms around me big. She's a wild child with an internal magnet for bad relationships. She makes for good blogging.

Part of me is already grieving this loss. I'm breezing through my days feeling so sad. Life here will be so different without her. I don't like it.

And then there's the other friend I lost. Another big one. Who mostly lived inside my computer. But I'm not gonna go there.

Question of the Day

2007-04-17T18:03:00.001-07:00

Can fat people go skinny dipping?

2007-04-16T19:43:00.001-07:00

Am currently: in jammies sippin on a red wine I bought at a winery up in Taos over Spring Break

Last thing I ate: French toast at 5pm, smothered in carmelized bananas and strawberries with real whip cream on top! (gimme a break, I ran 6 miles! I earned it!)

Current mood: opaque and ambiguous

Days till birthday: 194

I hope nobody's checking those birthday numbers cuz I'm guesstimating. Mackenzie and I have been holding to this girls dinner out thingy every Monday night. Since the divorce. An attempt to keep open the lines of communication. She's such a creature of habit. Not adventurous whatsoever, especially when it comes to food. We've slumped in to the routine of Flying Star Cafe, at her request--she ALWAYS gets the homemade mac and cheese with a strawberry shake on the side. Today I got breakfast for dinner, cuz unlike her, I like to change things up. Plus, my supersized sweet tooth was whispering in my ear, "Get the french toast! Get the french toast!"

My biffle (aka best friend for life--I just got that from Mackenzie at dinner tonight! I must say, I REALLY like that word. Biffle. Its my top fave made-up word of the year. Biffle. Fun to say, come on, try it! Ya know you want to!) is moving to Atlanta for her dream job! Pam, who I've blogged about all along, is leaving in less than two months. I'm so sad! Happy for her, yes, but feeling kinda sad inside nevertheless.

Enough words. I'm feeling purged. Until next time, fabulous fans of mine!

Question of the Day

2007-02-19T11:17:00.000-07:00

Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance as that little indestructible black box?

2007-02-19T10:37:00.001-07:00

Am currently: Still in PJ's, wrapped in NASCAR blanket my mom made for Tyler

Days till birthday: 285

Last thing I ate: Bowl of Blueberry Morning

An update on a few of my fabulous friends:

Ros: The tall long haired red-head physical therapist with PLS (Perpetually Late Syndrome) who I went to Greece with. Ros has been dating this environmentalist Earl (seriously, that's his name) who lives on the Res about 2 hours away. I met them for Starbuck's yesterday and they were as cute as ever. She was pissed at him this week for acting like a Martian even though he's in Venus territory, but it seems like the training is working. He was back to full on "doting" mode when I saw them yesterday. They left me to go biking along the Rio Grande. All's well.

Pam: The short perky dancer chick. Back in high school 20 years ago Pam broke up with her sweetie Eric. Last year, out of the blue, he found her and it was romance rekindled. The stuff of an Oprah episode. One year after the fairy tale, I'm sad to say things are not well. The long distance relationship took its toll. His two teenage daughters hated Pam from the get-go, which was the icing on the armadillo cake. They still talk about once a week, still going through that break-up phase which involves making each other miserable to prolong the suffering, but there's not much left here. Pam's made a new friend Veronica. A freshly separated hot 40-something chick who drags Pam out to party hard. Probably a good distraction for her broken heart, but at the same time Pam's pretty vulnerable right now, so I'm a bit worried. An amazing woman, here. How is it she's not snatched up?

Yvette: The married one with the baby. God I love this chick! She and firefighter hubby Chris had a hell of a pregnancy last year. They found out their baby had spina bifida while he was still in the womb. The mourning period of last year at this time still haunts me, the big decisions they had to make.... I don't wish on anyone. Watching helplessly in the wings as my friend fought for strength to endure. In this case, a happy ending. Christian, a miracle baby, is now over 6 months old and meeting all his milestones! I just hung up from her; she's on her way to a Dr. appt for Christian, to get the results of some recent tests. We already know they were "normal," but now she's going in to get specifics. Yvette is my greatest confidante right now. Pam and Ros are distracted with their own things, yet Yvette still reaches out and checks in on me. At the same time, when she has weak moments missing out on freedoms and wilder life moments, I'm there to remind her of the blessings right before her fabulous face.

Question of the Day

2007-02-06T18:30:00.000-07:00

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Question of the Day

2007-02-05T11:08:00.000-07:00

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Question of the Day

2006-12-18T19:51:00.000-07:00

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Wow, Being 36 Sucks

2006-12-18T19:04:00.001-07:00

Am currently: sipping a three buck chuck red vino
Last thing I ate: Homeade chili
Mood: rather relaxed actually, thx to the wine
Days till birthday: 353

Winter break has started! The last day of school, I had a student ask me, "teachers have Christmas break, too?" Very cute. I've pretty much gotten a handle on Xmas this year, all million presents have been bought AND WRAPPED already...I know I know, I'm fabulous. I'm having a dinner party type thingy for a few friends this coming Friday. Other than that, I'm looking forward to a sleepy simple 2 1/2 weeks off work. With only one goal, which is to get my lazy butt to the gym EVERY freaking day of break. So far, three days in to break, so good.
Tyler is back home since the dorms close over the break. He's at a reunion party as I type. His old high school gang is having a Christmas get-together which he's quite excited about. Then starting tomorrow he'll be dogsitting for Doug for nine days, so he won't actually be staying here. Doug, my ex, is going back home to Minnesota to do the family thing. He's a teacher, too, so also has this time off. Mackenzie is still Mackenzie. What can I say? She's the answer to that curse my mom sent out some 20 odd years ago--"I hope someday you'll have a daughter JUST LIKE YOU!"

The birthday countdown

2006-11-26T14:49:00.000-07:00

Am currently: all sweaty from gym
Last thing I ate: Lean Cuisine chicken panini and a handful of chocolate covered raisins
Mood: Irritated with the pig child
Days till birthday: gulp, 5!!!!

Mackenzie had a friend over last night. Inevitably, the house ended up trashed as always and I ended up playing the role of Grumpy the 7th dwarf. Top this off with the heating element going out in the dryer and a pile of dirty laundry that gives Mt. Everest a run for its money and Voila! Its a typical day in the life. Yvette just called me to let me know she googled heating elements and discovered they are quite easy to DIY fix. Screw that. I'm just gonna buy a new dryer. But can I just insert here how sweet it is of my new mommy incredibly busy friend to bother doing research like that for me? She's fabulous.

I saw that guy from the gym. What guy you ask? Come on, don't you remember the post from about 6 months ago, the one where I was all embarrassed because I fell off a bench and he tried breaking my fall as I crashed to the Floor of Shame? I've seen him a few times since then, actually. I usually am pretty successful at hiding from him, but today he definitely saw me. Multiple times. I guess my ducking behind the rubber plant, putting my towel in between his line of view, and the big dark sunglasses and straw hat weren't enough of a disguise (okay so I may be exaggerating slightly on the whole disguise thing) because he was definitely looking at me. Weirdly, too I might add. He remembers, I can tell. He thinks I have, uhhh, let's just say I have special needs. Which I do, now that I think of it, only not in the "vulnerable adult" sense like he thinks. He was probably looking around trying to figure out where my staff member from the group home was.

I ordered Tyler some Red Wing brand mugs and a Red Wing ornament today for Christmas. So there! I've officially started Xmas shopping. Tyler collects the Red Wing crap...you know, like crocks and stuff? His dad got him into it years ago. Sometimes I look at Tyler and marvel, is this really my kid? I mean, jeez, there's no reflection of me in him anywhere. He's into crocks for god's sake! He works freaking SECURITY at his college and busts parties! Shouldn't he be, uhh, ATTENDING them? And here's the big kicker....he and his girlfriend are waiting to have sex till after college and MARRIAGE. Remember, this is the same kid that entered this world when his wildchild mother was all of 17. Trust me on this one, I didn't encourage any of these aforementioned traits. He came up with them all on his fabulous own.

Yesterday, Tyler, Mackenzie and I got the Xmas decorations all up on the inside of the house. He's been home from college for the Thanksgiving weekend. I even made them listen to Xmas music while we worked. Tyler kept saying, "this is so fun!" My reply, "uh, ya, sure it is," pretending to enjoy it as much as him. Mackenzie told it like it was, "Oh my god Tyler you are such a nerd. This isn't FUN! This SUCKS!" My living room currently looks like Santa's workshop exploded and Xmas crap landed in every possible space. Don't come visit if you have seizure issues cuz there's so many lights and other visual stimuli you'd definitely end up on the floor convulsing. Now for the outside.

I was actually going to write with a point today. I even had a topic in mind, but it snuck out of my brain and I can't find it anywhere. You get what you get I guess. That reminds me of what I tell my students when they are arguing for a certain color thingy, "you git what you git and you don't throw a fit!" Its cute when I hear them saying it to each other.

Off to be productive. At least I don't have to do laundry....

TD update (turkey day)

2006-11-25T12:02:00.001-07:00

Last thing I ate: handful of chocolate covered raisins
Am currently: waiting for Pam to get done with yoga so we can go rollerblading

Turkey Day went off without a hitch. I remembered to turn on the oven this year and no one got sick, so I think its safe to declare the day a success. Gal pal Ros brought her neice and nephew over to hang before they had their family dinner thingy. The coolest part of the day was that Mackenzie actually agreed to play Monopoly with us. I was surprised how much fun we all had. The cop's pretty hilarious. Mackenzie even stayed in the living room and watched Lucky Number Slevin with us! Yesterday, Black Friday, Tyler and I hit Best Buy to get me a new wireless Internet card cuz Cokie chewed up the last one. It was so frustrating to get home and find out the new card is SO FREAKIN SLOW I could do a load of laundry in between pages loading. Right now I've got the card OUT of the slot and am ethernet hooked up directly to the router. I never realized the killer speed of my server this way. I think I'll return the card from hell and go ethernet. The only drawback is that now I'm confined to the Austin Power's computer room. Scroll down a ways and you'll see a pic of how cool this room is thanks to my fabulous creative side!!!! Have you ever thought about how close creativity and insanity are to each other? Looking around this room, I can't help but go, hmmmm.

Pam just called, off to rollerblade along the Bosque this gorgeous Saturday afternoon!

Question of the Day

2006-11-21T19:17:00.000-07:00

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through ATM's?

Hello Its Me the Landowner

2006-11-21T18:59:00.002-07:00

Currently I'm: nursing a gin and tonic
Last food I ate: Sesame chicken with grilled veggies over rice
Mood: Excited!
Days till birthday: 10
I closed on the land today! Four beautiful acres, lot 24, overlooking miles of forest land and the Sandia Mountains. I know I know, I said closing was on Wednesday, but the realtor needed to bump it up to today.

Isn't that special?

2006-11-20T21:39:00.000-07:00

I saw this quote on another blog and I loved it:

True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

Question of the Day

2006-11-20T21:32:00.000-07:00

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Goodbye Buddy

2006-11-19T14:30:00.000-07:00

Buddy died this morning. I wasn't ready.

Don't you find it fascinating how life ticks along its merry path and then CLUNK! There's a pothole, a dip, or crevice of some sort in the road, leaving you hoping there's no damage. This morning my life found itself happily exploring the new outdoor mall, Albuquerque Uptown, with gal pal Yvette and her baby Christian strapped to my chest. A beautiful day, a beautiful friend, a beautiful baby.

And then CLUNK! Doug called. Unlike him, being we've been divorced and separated over a year now. He usually only calls when he has Mackenzie and there's some parenting issue to delve into.

He gave me the news. He was leaving the vet's office. Without Buddy. Doug cried. Interesting. It was only the second time in our over a decade old relationship I had known him to cry. The other time was sitting in a marriage counselor's office at one end of the giant sectional, me at the other far end. I remember how small he seemed on that couch. My rock. My savior. My best friend. Suddenly so small.

Doug was choking on the story of Buddy up all night, throwing up blood, blood in his urine, blood in his bowels, blood all over the house. I cried, too. "This makes me so sad," I choked out. What simple words.

Tyler chose the name. Buddy. Buddy had been dumped at a farm of a friend of a friend's back in Minnesota, where we lived at the time. A purebred American Eskimo. So beautiful. The vet guessed Buddy was about a year old when he came to us. That was about 10 years ago. Tyler would have been 8, Mackenzie 4.

I have so many memories of special moments with Buddy in my head. I remember how beautiful he was when he sprinted deerlike through the snow. It was almost like his feet never really touched the ground, that he was gliding over the top effortlessly. I remember out for a jog one day, a professional photographer stopped us and asked to take our picture. Saying how beautiful Buddy was. She later sent me the pictures. I need to find those and scan them in. I remember backpacking trips. Buddy in his element carrying his own pack. I remember Buddy barking and about to attack a prowler who had entered our home in the middle of the night while we slept. If it weren't for him barking us awake and chasing the man out the door, who knows what that night would have become for us. Mostly I remember a loving family perfectly rounded off by this beautiful dog who loved us fiercely. And I mourn. So much is lost. So much is dead.

Buddy died today. With it, the end of a decade old story.

Question of the Day

2006-11-18T21:31:00.000-07:00

Why do scientists call it "research" when they are looking for something new?

Question of the Day

2006-11-16T19:24:00.000-07:00

Why is it called a "building" when its already been built?

Yet Another Fabulous Update

2006-11-16T19:16:00.001-07:00

Mackenzie is getting Scary with a capital "S". She's fourteen and angry at the world. Mainly, though, she targets me with the anger arrows. That's okay, I'm rather resilient. I can wait her out. She'll be 18 in 3 1/2 years. I'll keep her safe till then.

Tyler is doing fabulously at UNM. He's a security guard on campus---how cute! My little guy, awwww. Still with high school sweetie Anna. Pretty much living at her dorm but don't tell anyone because her parents would NOT approve. The thing is, these are two amazing humans. Both known to make much better choices than I ever could have at that age. I have total faith in them.

I am buying some land. Closing is next Wednesday at 11:30am. Four acres, in the mountains 10 miles outside of Albuquerque. Its so beautiful! The plan is to sit on it until Mackenzie graduates, then reassess at that time. There are two choices here: 1) build on it and live happily ever after, 2) sell it and make a pretty little profit. Who knows which way things'll go. The romantic in me hopes for door number one.

Off to pick up Mackenzie from her gym. Good night fabulous people!

2006-11-13T10:22:00.000-07:00

I've got a lot of catching up to do being I've been gone for months!!! Here's me in Greece, a small town in Northern Crete. My second day and I've already bought that lovely Burberry hat on my head. Proof that I owned it...as it has mysteriously disappeared since my return. CRY!

On My Way!

2006-06-26T21:10:00.000-07:00

My one bag--Columbia duffel on wheels, for your visual convenience--is packed and I'm ready to go! Packing had to be ridiculously light since many of the towns we are staying in are walled and don't allow cars inside. So! There'll be lots of hauling luggage along cobblestoned streets--probably my only workouts I'll get while there...unless you count lifting wine glasses and olive oiled bread to my mouth. Hopefully I'll be able to check in here and leave words for ya now and again. First stop? Crete. See ya there....

I'm Baaaack

2006-06-25T09:49:00.001-07:00

Sweet, dear blog, no I haven't abandoned you. I am back, didja miss me? I leave for Greece in two days HOO RAH.... Girlfriend Ros is there waiting and girlfriend Margaret will be meeting us there too. I'm oh so hoping there will be internet cafes so I can write Write WRITE about the 3 fabulous weeks there. Stay tuned, fine strangers, for the adventures of The Three Musketeerettes in Greece. Passed out days on the beaches, partying nights away in the clubs, great food, great shopping...
And wouldja look at the time? I gotta get my booty off to Salsa...my buddy Pam is subbing it today and I love when she teaches. Parakolo!!!

The Ruse of the Outward Visual

2006-06-04T18:28:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday Sucked. Notice the capital "S"??? That's trying to help you understand how bad it sucked. My mom, visiting from MN for Tyler's graduation festivities, insisted on this pic as I was walking out the door. Little did she know, little can you tell, that my insides were devastated--all the way down through my toes. That once I got in the car, a few tears won the battle. If you care to check, you'll notice a fairly raw post from that day, late that night. In the pic, I was on my way to the Gretchen Wilson concert here in Albuquerque at the Journal Pavilion, our big outdoor ampitheater. My girlfriend Kas stood in line for 5 FREAKING HOURS to get us our 10th row seats. She bought 6 tickets. The plan was....2 for me, and 2 for her, and 2 for our married couple friends. We ended up with 2 extra we couldn't fill. The cop was supposed to go with me, and Josh was supposed to go with her. That's before Josh turned psycho freak. And the cop turned cheater weak boy. If you scroll way the hell down to the beginning of this blog, to the "Cupid" post, you'l'l learn about both Josh and the cop. Back in the good old ignorant days when Josh was normal and the cop showed such potential.

Kas and I are regular concert goer's. Next one is KC and the Sunshine band, first row tix! Again I have two. Anyone out there wanna go with me?

We'd been looking oh so forward to Gretchen. Sadly, though, we were both in such a bad emotional place that we ended up laughing and crying our way OUT of the parking lot halfway through the concert. Josh showed up. That's NOT a good thing, as he needs some serious work on his character before he earns the right to get anywhere NEAR Kas. The cop and I texted throughout the concert and it wasn't pretty. I was NOT in my best Fabulous Female Form.

All's I'm telling you with this post is that last Thursday sucked. And that's me in the picture on the sucky Thursday. Isn't it ironic how outwardly we can look like we have not a care in the world, and inwardly we are curled up in a little place covered in a black fleece blanket so tight we can't breathe? I wanted to show you what I look like when I can't breathe. It makes me wonder how many other people there are that I encounter along the gravel lined road of Life who can't breathe either.

Don't Blink

2006-06-04T11:34:00.000-07:00

Its over. The graduation festivities are over. Tyler is now a high school graduate...gulp! The party I threw was fabulous, of course. That was Friday night, and Saturday morning was the graduation ceremony. The pic is me and Tyler and Mackenzie after the ceremony. Its been a whirlwind week of emotions. You name it, I've felt it. Wow. Its over. Take a breath, girl. Its over.

Nipping and Tucking My Fabulous Blog

2006-06-04T10:22:00.000-07:00

My blog is undergoing plastic surgery at the hands of the GREAT plastic surgeon, Doctor Marco, who despite his age, has amazingly steady hands when working the keyboard....thanks Doctor Marco!

Speaking of plastic surgery, I watched the very first episode of Nip/Tuck with my gal pal Yvette, the one who just had the baby giant, and I LOVED it. She's a Nip/Tuck addict and I can see why. Its on my mental To Do list to rent the first season and do a marathon Julian McMahon (aka sexy Christian) watching, popcorn eating, Junior Mints binging, couch lounging, pj's wearing, weekend. Yvette wants us to get together weekly to watch it, along with a Seinfeld episode which is my fave. If you've never seen it, you must. And the sex scenes, oh my, oh my, oh my, how hot!There's this really cool scene of Christian having major hot sex with this chick he picked up in a bar...music cranked, sweaty bodies slapping, screaming, and then the shot flashes to Sean and his wife having super quiet, missionary, yawn boring sex, the wife looking slightly impatient, "are you done yet, honey?"....and then we jump back and forth between the two scenes. Very clever. And then! In another scene we get to see Christian in a threesome. Its soft porn, really. Nothing is left to the imagination, we see it all. My virgin eyes learned a lot! Can't wait to see the next one...

And can I just add here that isn't it interesting that Yvette named her baby Christian?!? Hmmm...methinks maybe I'm not the ONLY one who has a Thing for the hot Doctor.

Next Chapter, Starts Here.

2006-06-02T06:53:00.000-07:00

Celebrate with me for a moment, fine strangers! My great friend Yvette and her firefighter hubbie Chris gave birth to a sweet 8lb 4oz chunk of a boy, Christian. Welcome to the world, Christian! I can't wait to come see you today and bring you a GIANT bouquet of crazy daisies--the happiest looking flowers I ever did see, perfect for this happiest of occasions.

Here's another celebration for ya. Tyler's graduation party is today! I have my parents here visiting from Minnesota and Tyler's relatives on the other side here from out of state as well. The party will be fabulous and I can't wait till tonight. Tomorrow is the official graduation ceremony. Tyler is graduating from a college prep private high school, so they have a unique ceremony--boys in tux's and girls in white gowns of their choosing. Its in the morning, outside, under a giant tent. As each graduate walks up to accept their diploma, a teacher requested by the student reads a short speech, in Emmy fashion, that the student wrote. Its quite lovely, actually. Then, we get this amazing program, in which each student gets a page devoted to themselves--a picture and any words they want. I love breezing through their words, seeing the creativity about to be unleashed on this fine world. Amazed at the wisdom sometimes I see in these young adults.

Life is good this fine Friday morning. I look straight ahead, refusing that urge to glance back over my shoulder. I feel strong. In the wake of yesterday's death, in a sense, there was a birth. What a gift. And today, I let MY baby spread his wings and jump. Life truly is beautiful.

The End

2006-06-01T22:18:00.001-07:00

It is funny when things come to an end, how we humans have such a hard time with it even though we know it is for the best. That feeling inside, right under the ribs, centrally located. Not a good feeling that's for sure.

It is sad when we put our faith in someone, drop our guard and hope for the best. When we do that dream thing, where we look at the future and see this perfect ideal life and let ourselves believe it is within reach.

It is surprising when truths come out that prove lies have passed the lips of loved ones. That you are the only one not in on the joke called Your Life.

It is angering when you are up to your eyeballs...no, higher, up to your sticky uppy hairs on the top of your head, in betrayal. Even worse when you already swam in it and forgave for it on >1 occasions.

It is scary when we are left in a mental box, all alone, about 10 feet by 10 feet, turning around and around looking for an exit, looking for a hand to grasp, but there is none. And then you realize, I put myself here.

It is empowering to think ahead to the next chapter. With new wisdom from fresh mistakes just made. I remain hopeful. It is out there for me.
It is ironic that today is my six month anniversary. I met him six months ago today and remember it down to specific details. Today is also the day we said goodbye. I had no choice. Neither did he.

My throat hurts. I can't make the lump go away.