Motherhood and Its Chronic Weight

I got a call a few nights ago. It was late and we were just getting toasty in bed. Ring ring! It was Mackenzie, my 18 year old baby girl. A call this late would only mean drama. Here we go.

Me: What's wrong?
Her: (sobbing, hard to make out words...) I was at Jordan's (sob), and I JUST GOT THERE (yell, sob)! I just sat down on the couch and picked up his phone and started checking his texts (SOB SOB). He and Brian were texting about Cassie and that Jordan was gonna try to hook up WITH HER!!! How could he do that, he's my effing boyfriend?!?!?
Her: So I just left. I'm in my car driving home. But fuck it, I'm gonna turn around and GO BEAT HIM UP!
Me: Mackenzie. How classy is that?
Her: I DONT CARE! I'M SO FUCKING PISSED! I WANT TO HURT HIM! Oh wait he's calling me...
CLICK.

She did call me back after a quick screamfest on the phone with Jordan. The great news is that I was able to convince her that going back to Jordan's house to "beat him up" would give him all the power and make her look pathetic. I got her to see that the best plan of action would be to go home to her dad's and let Jordan know he wasn't worth her time.

I talk to Mackenzie all the time about keeping her "power." When she turns weak-female, as we all tend to do, we give our power to the other person. This was a classic situation where if she would have gone back there and created a scene, Jordan would hold all the power. But! She left him hanging and kept her power, good girl. It took me 40 years to figure that out. She already gets it.

I worry about this little beauty of mine. Mackenzie is so vulnerable. It feels like she's on a precipice. Balancing on the head of a pin. Standing on the road between right-doing and wrong-doing. Pick your analogy, you get it.

Mackenzie works her butt off at the Aveda Institute. 12 hour days, all towards her ultimate goal of 1600 hours. She should graduate in February 2011. She also works in a shoe store at the mall. Much better than her last stint at Hooter's. Cringe.

I have to give her credit for working so hard to reach her goal. She likes cosmetology and is a fashion/makeup diva herself, so it seems to fit her well. But she seems to be a bad boy magnet. She seems to pull her self-worth from the current flavor of the month. It concerns me. It makes me feel guilty. I think she gets this from me.

I just want her to make it to graduation, more than anything else in the world right now.

Oish, Mackenzie. Keep your power, girl.